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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Top Ten Messages Left On Jose Canseco's Answering Machine
  
"Barry Bonds here. Can I get your leftover junk?"
"This is Andy Reid. Thanks for helping people forget the Eagles choked."
"It's the national baseball hall of fame. Any hypodermic needles we could display?"
"Jose, could you lift my car so I can change a flat?"
"Bill Buckner here. Welcome to the club."
"It's Bud Selig. Thanks for not making fun of my hair."
"This is President Bush. What's this I hear about me owning a baseball team in the '90s?"
"Hey, it's your agent--I thought you were dead."
"This is Jim from Jiffy Lube. Are you coming to work or not?"
"Mark McGwire. Why'd you tell everyone you injected me in the ass?"
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"Do you know where i can get low-carb steroids?"

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"This is Barnes & Noble--does your book go in non-fiction or fiction?"

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"Geraldo here. If you're up for a TV interview, I'd be glad to suck up and pretend you've done nothing wrong."

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"It's Steve from next door. Some guys are smashing the windows of your house with bats."

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"It's Bonds. Didn't we agree we'd say we thought it was flu shots?"

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