Dave talks about his doctor, Dr. Vinny Bimbotz. He's Rodney's doctor, now he's Dave's, too. Dave says he's an Eye, Ears, and Wallet doctor. Big ha ha from me. I love the silly, simple, and old jokes.

Late Show Unfair Edit. Dave wanted it changed to Late Show Fun with Editing. He got Late Show Editing Fun. Tonight's installment is John Kerry during his victory speech: "If I am elected president / I make you this pledge: / I will be / utterly / inept."

Dave was at the supermarket the other day and picked up a new product he never saw before. It's one of those new bioengineered foods, specifically, "Green Giant Bioengineered Frozen Peas." Dave dumps out the product. He finds 5 huge green peas. Dumping them out on the desk, Dave examines the green peas. Ooops. Somebody forgot to tell Dave the green peas were greezy. Yech. Paul can't understand it. The box read, "No sauce."
Dave said that upstairs just before the show, someone told him, "Uhhh, you can't eat those." Dave then does some quick maintenance on this desk, wiping up the gook with a paper towel. He goes into his waiter mode: "Wanna see a menu or you just gonna have some coffee."

It was funny the first time so we decided to take another look. It's the Howard Dean speech where his head explodes.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH DONALD TRUMP'S HAIR - his hair is all the craze these days. It's like the old saying, "If you can't beat him, make fun of him." Dave holds up various photos of Mr. Trump and critiques his hair.
-the first is The Donald with ex-wife Miss Marla
-the next photo is the way Dave remembers and thinks of Donald Trump. His hair looks almost ordinary.
-Uh oh. Here we see a photo of Donald with hair that looks like a burst of sunlight on an early summer morning.
-It's Donald Trump with his dear friend, Les Moonves. "Say what you want about Les Moonves," says Dave, "but he's one good-looking son of a bitch." Meanwhile, Donald looks like a variety of loon.
-In this photo with Governor Ventura, Donald Trump has added the gurney flap to his do.
-We see in the next photo Donald's hair getting a little wacky.
-And finally, his hair in this photo look like a small explosion has just taken place. Me? I thought it looked like cotton candy.

TOP TEN: Ways I, Howard Dean, Can Turn Things Around - and to present tonight's top ten list, Democratic Presidential candidate from Vermont, Howard Dean.
#10. "Switch to decaf"
#9. "Unveil new slogan: 'Vote for Dean and get one dollar off your next purchase at Blimpies."
#8. "Marry Rachel on final episode of 'Friends'"
#7. "Don't change a thing - it's going great."
#6. "Show a little more skin" (unbutton shirt)
#5. "Go on 'American Idol' and give 'em a taste of these pipes."
#4. (impersonating Schwarzenegger) "Start working out and speaking with Austrian accent"
#3. I can't give specifics yet, but it involves Ted Danson.
#2. "Fire staffer who suggested doing lousy top ten list instead of actually campaigning.
#1. "Oh, I don't know - fewer crazy, red-faced rants."

MATTHEW BRODERICK - He's back with "The Producers," the boffo hit on Broadway. Do you remember when I used to count the number of sips from the mug Matthew would take during each appearance? Well, he doesn't sip at all now. I mentioned it once, and even prepared the Wahoo readers the day before Broderick was coming on. That night, Matthew reached for the mug quite a few times but never grabbed hold of the mug. It looked like he wanted to sip, but fought against it. It distracted Dave so much that Dave charged, "Well, go ahead and take a sip!" Matthew said he was trying to give up smoking and was afraid his shaking hand would spill water from the mug. But I knew better. I knew Matthew e-mailed me under an assumed name and bet the under.
Some of the most frequent sippers were Broderick, Michael J. Fox, George Carlin, and Dana Carvey. Now, I don't recall seeing any big sippers.
You won't find fascinating stuff like this in the New York Times. No. Only in the Wahoo Gazette.

Matthew and Sarah Jessica are the parents of a 15 month old boy. When the baby first learned to walk, Matthew said there was nothing better than to have him run into his waiting arms. It was like a Pepsi commercial. He's talking, too, with words like "papa," "mama," "cheese," and "shoe." And happily, the little boy already knows most of the servants by name. Matthew and Sarah are teaching the boy right, making sure he understands it's rude to point at them and ring the little bell. Right now, Sarah and the baby are in France. When I grow up, I want to be like Matthew and Sarah's 15-month-old baby.
Of course, Dave is a new dad and he asks Matthew when the soft spot on the baby's skull hardens. He's afraid that when he's holding the baby and opening mail, he may accidentally, well, you know. Matthew's not sure when the hardening process takes place. Dave asks Paul when it happened with his children. Paul, a father of a 10 and a 5, says he's hoping it happens any day now. He'll let Dave know just as soon as it happens.
I think I know the answer. I would say it happens at 2 years old. If I remember, both my girls were very hard-headed when they reached two.
Checking my big blue encyclopedia I keep beside me at all times, I found the soft spot begins to harden at 3 months old and is usually completely calcified at 18 months.

Matthew Broderick is back on Broadway in "The Producers" at the St. James Theater. For tickets, you'll have to go to "Mamma Mia" instead.

ACT 5: It's Alan Kalter on the phone with Dick Clark. We can hear Alan's side of the conversation.
"Hi, Alan Kalter calling for Dick Clark. . . . . What do you mean he's 'in a meeting.' Tell him Alan Kalter's on the phone . . . . . Don't give me that 'He's in a meeting' crap. I'm in showbiz . . . . I know what 'He's in a meeting' means. . . . I know he's there! You can't hang up on me! I'm Alan 'givl'ing Kalter! I'll ruin you!" Alan storms out.

DR. JIM GARVIN: He's NASA's lead scientist for Mars exploration. The good Doctor explains the Mars rover traveled 300 million miles to make the 100 million mile trip. Most likely, a man was driving and refused to ask directions. Dr. Garvin said the route they took used the least amount of gas. Hmmm, less gas but 3 times as far? It doesn't make sense to me but I guess that's why he's a scientist.

Looking at the Doctor, some backstage said he looked like and reminded them of Dan Akyroyd. I said the doctor looked like and reminded me of Paul Donato, an old friend I would often share drinks with at the New City Pub in the early 80's.

What is the objective of the Mars exploration? Dr. Jim says it's all in the rocks. Study the rocks and we can learn the history of another world. The main goal is to find if water once existed on Mars, and therefore, possible life. We're still in the early stages, or as Dr. Jim explained, "we are in the first inning of a big game." Ahhh, a baseball metaphor. I like baseball metaphors. In fact, I believe everything in the world can be explained be explained in baseball terms. For instance, the Middle East is like the infield fly rule. Sure, you think you know what's going on, but you have a hard time explaining it. The Martha Stewart case? It's confusing, like, when can a batter run on a dropped third strike?

Dave and Dr. Jim view photos of the angry red planet called Mars. The big question remains: was Mars ever hospitable to life? Dave says, "Just looking at these photos, I know the answer is 'no.' In the last photo of the surface of Mars, we see in the corner an Applebee's. Dave admits that he was wrong. There is life on Mars. And if you listened closely during the last photo, I think you could hear "Happy Birthday" being sung by the Applebee waiters.

And that was our show for Thursday, January 22, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

It's been a tough week for the Deans, both Howard and Jimmie.

Congratulations to Walter Kim for beating a New York City parking summons this week. What a great feeling! Plus, now he can parlay that savings into buying more boxes in the office Super Bowl pool!

Presidents with first names for last names. From John Young of Runcorn, England:

"Quick note on the Presidents last names as first names game. 'BILL CLINTON? Clint Eastwood' Clinton and Clint are not the same, sorry, but it's just not right. Worry not, however. I have a replacement for Mr Eastwood. Clinton Morrison is an Irish soccer player who plays for Birmingham City Football Club in England

Richard Nixon/Nixon Hettinger
My cousin (who is a huge Richard Nixon fan) named her 1st born daughter after the late president.

William McKinley - McKinley Tennyson, Jr. (played soccer on a national championship team at UCLA and now a professional soccer player -- and he's from Indianapolis, too)
Richard Nixon -- Nixon McLean (West Indies cricket player -- full name is Nixon Alexei McNamara McLean)
Also -- Nixon Galloway (California artist who died last year)
OK, the Nixon entries are a little weak, but you gotta like McKinley Tennyson (by the way, as the Jr. would suggest, there is a senior McKinley Tennyson, too)

Here is a reference for first\last names for presidents:
Richard Nixon/ Nixon McLean a cricket player for the West Indies.

William McKinley -- McKinley Morganfield, a/k/a the great bluesman, Muddy Waters

McKinley Boston, former AD at University of Minnesota

Oooh, I think I just thought of another one. James Polk and Polk Salad Annie.

Friday's Show: Al Franken; comedian Jake Johannsen; and Phantom Planet. And who is on cape?
Will It Float item: a 4 lb. 2.5 oz. can of Ruby light tuna in water. Discuss.

NOTE: Just before sending this to the boys to put up on the website, I checked my e-mail, just like I do at least 5 times a day. I've been receiving lots of President First Names as Last Names. And mere seconds after adding my Polk Salad Annie reference, I find 4 e-mails with the same mention. Should I credit them? Mmmmm, maybe tomorrow.

OH, don't forget to watch "Ed" tonight. Clay Aiken is on. Yummy!