Out on the street of 53rd down by 8th Avenue, a scaffold on the 35th floor of a building under construction is perilously swinging in the stiff city wind. We get a shot of the scaffolding. Yes, it looks perilous, alright. Seconds before the start of the show, the NYPD closed down 53rd Street as a precautionary measure and we decided that we would show the swinging scaffolding during the ACT 1. I quickly ran around to gain as much information about the building as I could. I only had minutes to do so. I ran out to 53rd Street but was shooed back in. I ran below the theater to the entrance by Broadway. I crossed 53rd and counted the floors to the scaffolding. My three counts came to 35 floors, 34 floors, and 35 floors. I decided to go with 35 floors. I noted the NYPD's Emergency Service was on the scene. I ran around to 54th Street and down to 8th Avenue to see if the residential building had a name. A big sign out front read, "MARC." Following that was their slogan: "Live Your Signature Style." Realizing the show had probably already started, I decided the information I had would have to do. I ran back to the shack, tapped out the info on a blue card, and got it out to Barbara Gaines who had it relayed to Dave. While viewing the teetering scaffold, Dave gives the information he has. Since it was his first time seeing the bluecard and my not making clear the info clear enough, Dave wasn't quite sure what the "Live Your Signature Style" meant. Paul quickly chimed in, "That's their motto! The Marc's slogan is 'Live Your Signature Style.'" It took three Late Show staffers to keep me from running on stage and kissing Paul at that very moment.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ON MARS? It's something new. With the hullabaloo over the Mars visit by the NASA spacecraft, we decided to hop on board with this hopefully fun new segment. The camera heads in to Rupert's Hello Deli as we find Rupert standing behind the counter like Jackie Gleason waiting for Mr. Dennehy. Dave asks Rupert, "Are you excited by all this Mars Mania?" Rupert slowly answers, "uhhh, . . . . yeah." Dave explains to Rupert what we plan to do and while Rupert goes outside to find a contestant, we go back to Dave to get on with the rest of the show.

Not only is NASA celebrating their great success of the Mars explorer "Spirit," but they've also landed an explorer on the sun. And we have one of the amazing images which was sent back.
We see the entire screen go bright yellow/white. It is a shot of the sun. Dave exclaims, "Isn't that remarkable! It landed on the sun." He then adds, "Live Your Signature Style."

Dave saw a rather intriguing promo on the teen channel, MTV. They were promoting a brand new contest.

"MTV heats up the winter with a sizzling contest! Call now and vote for your favorite music video -- and you're automatically entered to win a half-day marriage to Britney Spears. Only on MTV!"

Half-day marriage? Heck, I'd be happy with one of those 3-hour short stay marriages.

Americans are all worried about this mad cow disease. Did you see the recent commercial that just came out?

"Last month, the U.S. Department of Agriculture confirmed the first appearance of mad cow disease in the United States. As a result, health officials recommend Americans only eat those foods that contain no traces of beef. (now cheerful announce) So rush down to Taco Bell for our delicious Steak Quesadilla! Taco Bell. Think Outside the Bun."

Dave likes the Taco Bell slogan: "Think Outside the Bun." He writes it down next to "The Marc" slogan: "Live Your Signature Style."

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ON MARS? Back to Rupert and we find he was chosen a young lovely named Christina of Darien, Connecticut. She is studying to become an elementary school teacher.
(I always wondered about studying to be an elementary school teacher. How much do you need to study? Don't all you need to know is a little more than your smartest student?)
We learn that Christina is here in New York City with her friends. Dave asks Rupert why he only brought in Christina when she has friends outside? Rupert says, "I thought there was only one contestant." Dave has Rupert go outside to find Christina's friends. Instead of bringing them into the Hello Deli, Dave has Rupert lead the girls to the deli window and have them peer in. Once Rupert returns, the camera pans over to the window and we find the two friends of Christina pressing their nose up to the window in wonder and joy.
It's now time to play "Would You Like To Be On Mars?" The camera turns to the blue chroma screen at the end of the deli. The surface of Mars appears. Paul begins to play "2001: Space Odyssey." Soon, Rupert and Christina enter the screen and appear to be on Mars! Watching closely from outside the window is Christina's two friends. And of course, there are no losers in "Would You Like To Be On Mars?" Girls? The Late Show models enter with a Hello Deli deli platter.

Before going to commercial, Dave suggests to Rupert that he get some hot chocolate for the hard working police officers outside on this cold winter night.

Back from commercial, Dave asks Rupert if he has the hot chocolate ready for the NYPD coppers. Rupert doesn't. While Rupert prepares the hot beverages, Dave continues with the show.

Our announcer Alan Kalter is also excited about the NASA visit to Mars. So much so, he asked for a moment of network time to say a few words.

"Thanks, Dave. Over the weekend, NASA scientists successfully landed the Spirit rover on Mars. This is an historic achievement, and I just wanted to congratulate NASA's entire Mars team, including mission scientist Wendy Calvin."
(lights dim; soft sexy music plays; Alan turns to another camera.)
"Wendy, why don't the two of us celebrate your accomplishment with an expedition right here on earth? You'll unlock the secrets of a strange new world of pleasure as you explore the red planet known as 'Kalter.' Who knows what else you'll discover as my hands rove across the hills and valleys of your once-forbidden terrain. Don't worry, I'll be beaming back all of the data via my Sony camcorder, as I touch down in your crater over and over and over again . . ."

Dave interrupts. He's heard more than enough.

TOP TEN: Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine - Britney married Jason Alexander on Saturday. 55 hours later, the annulment was finalized. #10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready."
#8. "This is the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready."
#7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night."
#3. "Honey, it's Liza. Next time, instead of an annulment, hit him with a bottle."

Back to Rupert who is now ready with the hot chocolate. Dave has him deliver the hot brew to a couple foot patrolmen keeping the public away from risk. Flanking Rupert on both sides are the Late Show models. Rupert hands the chilly officers each a cup of hot cocoa.

You didn't see it but during the commercial break, the police officers paid for the hot chocolate.

Dave with a police report. The interior elevators in the building are out of service. The members of the NYPD Emergency Service climb the 35 stories to secure the flapping scaffolding. I quickly say a prayer. No, not for the officers. For my car that is parked directly below the scaffolding.

JENNIFER CONNELLY: She's an Academy Award winner for Best Supporting Actress for her work in "A Beautiful Mind." What does she do with her trophy? Jennifer says her son has made it into an action figure. A Late Show staffer in the shack, who will remain nameless, quickly scans the internet to see if he can purchase a similar action figure. Yes, this middle-aged man collects action figures. Jennifer is the mom of a 6-year-old and a 5-month-old. Dave explains that as a new dad, he tends to be a worry-wart, phoning the doctor at the slightest sign of trouble. Dave laments he is unsure when something is a symptom and when something is just "funny." This is the typical behavior of a new dad. My pediatrician once told me this story. When a first-born spits out his pacifier, the mom will pick up the pacifier and boil it to sterilize it. When the second-born spits out his pacifier, the mom will pick up the pacifier and run it under hot water. When the third-born spits out his pacifier, the mom will wipe it on her leg and put it back in the baby's mouth.
Jennifer is currently starring in the highly-acclaimed "House of Sand and Fog." I've heard two things about it over and over again: It's depressing. It's great. Each person gives both critiques. I'm piqued by the critique.

ACT 5: It's Rupert enjoying a hot beverage with New York's Finest.

CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI: He's a 20-year-old bestselling author. At age 15, Christopher began writing a fantasy novel and 5 years later it is now on the New York Times Bestseller List. The book: "Eragon." Earlier in the program, Dave said that when he was 15, he didn't know how to make a fist. A moment later, upon reflection, Dave says that, "Come to think of it, I did know how to make a fist." I laughed loudly at the first comment and even louder at the second.
Christopher Paolini got his idea to write the book while mindlessly studying on the couch with his mathbook. His daydreams drifted to flying around on a dragon, having swordfights, etc. (I put "etc." because I don't have daydreams like that. Yes, it was a cop-out on my part.). He decided to make his daydreams into a book. The book took a year to write and another year to revise. His parents were so impressed with the manuscript, they decided to publish the book themselves and sell it in local bookstores. Christopher went out and plugged the book at schools and stores in a medieval costume. Eventually, the book ended up in the hands of the son of author Carl Hiaasen. After hearing raves about the book from his son, Carl Hiaasen decided to show it to his editors. The publishing company then offered Christopher a book deal. And that's how it happened. Last year, "Eragon" outsold 4 of the 5 "Harry Potter" books.

And that was our show for Tuesday, January 6, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

DOH! Is it too late to change yesterday's mention of the Packer/Panther game to the Packer/Seahawk game? Oh, it's not too late? Good. Please change all reference to the Packer/Panther game to the Packer/Seahawk game. Thank you.

I just learned something new on my AOL computer. My 8-year-old Danielle just taught me how I can listen to the Rolling Stones while working at the computer. Great sound, great music, great songs. Who knew? Next I want her to show me how she e-mails me using different color font and different color backgrounds.

After attending a local high school basketball game the other night, I stopped off at the neighborhood gin mill to say goodbye to my vacation. The barkeep was in tense conversation with others about NHL hockey. I was unfamiliar to all parties involved. The barkeep turns to me and says "Are you a hockey fan?" I tell him, "Not really. I used to be, though." "Ranger fan?" he snaps. "No, I was an Islander fan," I reply. He growls back accusingly, "Oh, you jumped on the bandwagon when they were winning the Cups in the early 80s." He then snarls out of the blue, "J.P. Parise!" I respond calmly, "1975. Game 3 of the playoffs against the Rangers. 11 seconds into overtime. Game winning and series winning goal." (this was 5 years before the Islanders started winning the Stanley Cup) He takes a step back and raises an eyebrow. He places a bottle of Bud in front of me and knocks his knuckles twice on the bar. He says nothing and goes back to his other patrons.

A few minutes later the bartender comes back and asks, "So, you don't follow hockey anymore?" I tell him there are too many teams with players whose names I can't pronounce. I somewhat jokingly add, "The last team I followed was the Fort Wayne Komets on the radio on my way home from work." The guy sitting on my left who hadn't said a word the whole night jumps off his barstool and cries, "You follow the Fort Wayne Komets on the radio! Isn't Bob Chase the greatest!" I turn and ask, "Bob Chase?" The guy says with great enthusiasm, "Yeah, the announcer! Bob Chase is the best!" "Oh, yeah, Bob Chase" I respond. I tell him how I would listen to the games on the way home from work on WOWO-1190 out of Fort Wayne, Indiana but that I can't get the games anymore because . . . and together we say, "because the New York station on 1190 is now on 24 hours!" We laugh. He buys me a beer. I buy him a beer. We gradually sink back into our contemplative selves. Later when I leave, we nod acknowledgement to each other, wishing there was a secret Komet handshake we could share.

There are two people in all New York State who know and listened to the Fort Wayne Komets on WOWO-1190. And unbeknownst to them, they were sitting side by side next to each other at the same time at the same small town bar on an ordinary Friday night. We discovered each other by pure luck.

The Wahoo Gazette: Typos R Us.