Dave just saw "The Cooler" starring Alec Baldwin and I guess Alec spends a lot of time busting heads. Dave does his Alec Baldwin impression as he pounds his fist into his hand as if beating someone's head.

CBS had their big Victoria's Secret special on Wednesday night. Did you see the promo they ran? Dave isn't sure how he should take it.

"Tonight watch the CBS Victoria's Secret special and see some of the most beautiful people in the world." (vt of beautiful women walking the catwalk in skimpy underwear) "Then stay tuned for one of the creepiest." (quick cut to Dave at monologue mark on the Late Show) "CBS - Be there!"

CBS MAILBAG - helping out tonight in the presentation of the letters, is Monty dressed as Captain Jack Aubrey of "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Did Monty see the movie? "Yes." Did she like it? She scrunches her nose and says, "There was a lot of dirty fingernails."

LETTER #1: From Mac Talbott of Melbourne, Australia
"Dear Dave, Would you ever run for President?"
Dave says he would never run for the position as you are constantly under the microscope. One small misstep and the whole world knows about it. In fact, before our President Bush traveled to England, he was given this instructional video on how to act around the Royal family.
"President Bush, there are some things you should know in preparation for your audience with the Queen.
You are to address the Queen as 'Your Majesty.'
When being introduced to the Queen, men should give a slight bow of their head.
And, do not tease the Queen about her gay son Charles."

Before introducing the next letter, Dave instructs Monty to holler the sea phrase, "Come about!"

LETTER #2: From Shawn MacDonald of Cheyenne, Wyoming
"Have you ever dropped your pants in front of a live audience?"
Dave laughs and says "No, I'm a little too shy for that sort of thing. I can't imagine anything worse than going through what Paris Hilton's enduring. Imagine a tape of you having sex being seen by every idiot on the internet." George Clarke, our building engineer, interrupts. He tells Dave that Paris Hilton inspired him to make his own amateur sex tape. He has a clip.
We see a grainy, dimly lit clip of a topless George Clarke crawling across a bed. We get a close up of George's eyes and they are bright green, just like Paris in her video (I've heard things.) Next is a shot of George sitting on the edge of his bed eating pizza. George turns to the camera and says, "I decided to spend my hooker money on pizza."

From Monty: "Ahoy, there!"

LETTER #3: From James Kellogg of Carbondale, Illinois
"Hey, Dave, What is your favorite fall activity?"
Dave loves the outdoors, and he loves this global warming. Dave has asked noted climatologist Dr. Kenneth Pearson to come by to discuss the global warming trend. We find the doctor by Paul's piano.
"Thank you, David. There's a certain amount of hysteria about the topic of global warming, but I and many of my colleagues feel that the threat is overblown. While we have noted a small rise in the average global temperature in recent years, it doesn't appear to be a threat. So do what I do; go outside and enjoy it."
The doctor exits the building to 53rd Street. "There's really nothing like the fall . . ." The doctor suddenly catches fire and explodes. Nothing remains but a small pile of ash.

Dave says, "Wow, those special effects are really something, aren't they? He caught on fire then exploded."

My favorite part of this letter was just before the doctor caught fire from the global warming you could see steam coming from his mouth due to the cold weather. I laughed at the illogic the first time I saw it, but then rationalized it away by telling myself he was just beginning to boil over.

Dave has Monty looked through her telescope. I was hoping for a "Thar she blows!"

LETTER #4: From Jeff Swearingen of Raleigh, North Carolina
"Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is Governor, who do you think the next Terminator will be?"
This California stuff is crazy. Did you hear about the police raiding Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch? We got a clip from the CNN.
We see the police racing to the scene. We get a sky view of the compound. Then we see Michael Jackson up in a tree. Police through a bullhorn: "This is the police. Get out of the tree. Get down, you prick! All right boys, go get him."

And that was mail for tonight.

TOP TEN: George W. Bush Complaints About England.
#10. "Clocks are five hours fast."
#7. "So touchy about minor things . . . . like going to war under false pretenses.
#4. "Disappointed to learn 'Big Ben' is just a giant clock."
#2. "I've been here for 36 hours and Prince Charles hasn't made a single move on me."
#1. "Driving on the left reminds me of my drinking days."

ALEC BALDWIN: Alec is excited about Dave's baby news. He says it's nice to hear a little about Dave's private life. Alec wants to know more about baby. Is their a nanny? Dave says there is none at the moment. Alec advises Dave to be mindful when the time comes to choose a nanny. Alec had a Brazilian nanny for his child and, although the nanny was great, his son at four spoke English with a Brazilian accent. He'd point at something on the TV and say, "What he doing?"

Alec is about to appear in two films. He's in the big studio film, "Dr. Suess' The Cat in the Hat" and the independent film, "The Cooler." The difference in the budget between a big studio film and an independent film is tremendous. The entire budget for "The Cooler" equaled the Cat in the Hat budget for Altoids.
In a big budget film, a scene of opening a window can take all day. Every possible angle is shot and then reshot; from inside the window, from outside the window, from above, behind, to the side, from the actor's POV, etc. With an independent, it's one camera, one shot, one take. Bang. Done. By 9:00 AM, you've accomplished more in the independent film than you will all day in the big budget studio film.

We see a clip from the film, "The Cooler." It takes place in Vegas in the 50's-60's. The Cooler is a guy who cools down the big winners simply by exuding bad aura. Some guys just have that loser persona that spreads to all those around him. Casinos like to have them hang with those on a hot streak. In the scene we see, The Cooler didn't quite cool down a big winner. Alec was called in to persuade the winner to give a donation back to the house. It's the way things were done back then.
The Cat in the Hat - opens Friday.
The Cooler - it opens in selected cities November 26th.

FREDDY ADU: He's 14 years old and he just signed a professional contract with Major League Soccer. He starts play next year for the D.C. United after he graduates from high school? Graduate from high school at 14? How's that? He started school early, skipped the 7th grade, and combined 11th and 12th grade this year. I never skipped a grade. I skipped some classes, but never a whole grade. Freddy's life is very interesting. He was born in Ghana, West Africa and moved to America in 1997 when he was 8. His soccer talents were discovered on the schoolyard by one of his classmates. The school buddy told his coach who checked out Freddy. The rest is history. And earlier today, Freddy was selected to the Under-20 National U.S. Soccer team. They will play in the Under-20 World Cup in a couple weeks.
And just how talented it Freddy Adu? He had a stupid human trick prepared. Balancing a soccer ball on the back of his neck, Freddy was able to take off his shirt over his head and then put it back on. Very impressive. And he's only 14.

And now my pro soccer story:
My brother had a friend, Tommy Mulroy, who played for the professional indoor soccer league. Tommy was quite flamboyant with the soccer ball and never shied away from exhibiting his special talents, even during a game. Once he flicked the ball onto the back of his neck and ran down the entire field like that. He then dropped the ball and took a shot on goal. (That's the story I heard anyway) The coach did not take kindly to that and benched him the next game. Unfortunately, that next game was played at Madison Square Garden and the crowd was filled with fans from home. The coach finally put Tommy in for the final 5 minutes. Tommy also once played for the Miami Toros against Pele at Yankee Stadium. Pele scored on an over the head bicycle kick. Or is it called a scissor kick? Anyway, it was unbelievable. Tommy guarded Pele throughout the game and received Pele's jersey afterwards. I think Pele did that for all his opponents. During the game I tried to imagine what it would be like to pitch to Babe Ruth. To Tommy, that is what he was doing.

ACT 5: We overhear Alan Kalter talking to his agent on the phone: "No . . . no. . . . no. What else you got? Any commercials or anything? (beat) No. No hair products. What else? A boat show???? I'm not doing a boat show! You want me to do a boat show! I'm Alan 'givl'ing Kalter! I'm friends with Shadoe 'givl'ing Stevens. No boat show!"

CYNDI LAUPER: From her new CD, "At Last," Cyndi performed "Until You Come Back to Me."

And now my Cyndi Lauper story:
I first heard of Cyndi Lauper way back in the late 70's. She was a member of a group called the Blue Angels and they were big in New Jersey. My Jersey cousins raved about the Blue Angels while I raved about Nyack, New York's Finn and The Sharks.

I listened to some Finn and The Sharks just this weekend. I have their 4-song album.

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 19th. Wahoo EXTRA!

Oh, I almost forgot. And now my Alec Baldwin story: Alec has three brothers: Stephen, Daniel, and William. I have three brothers: Bob, Jack, and Tim.

The New York Giants coach Jim Fassel is doing so poorly this year, the recently found son he gave up for adoption is now denying any relation.

The Yankees are trying to obtain Curt Schilling, Alex Rodriguez, and Vladimir Guerrero. And that's just for starters. Meanwhile, the Mets are all hyped up about the possibility of getting Mike Cameron.

ANNOYING THINGS MY DAD DOES THAT HE THINKS IS FUNNY: Michelle Stephens of Washington, North Carolina:

"When my sisters and I were kids, dad used to go around the house every morning snapping his leather belt with his hands shouting 'Chop, chop! Rise and shine!' Now that we're all out on our own, he'll call on the phone and (EVERY TIME!) when we answer asks, 'Who is this?'"

"When my sister and I were pre-teenagers and just starting to learn how to wear eye make-up, we would apply what we thought was the perfect amount of green eye shadow to our eyelids. But everytime my father saw us, his comment would always be the same...'you girls look like you just crawled out of a slime pond.' To this day, I can't put on any eye makeup without thinking of the pond. I now wear light brown, but my sister still wears green. Slime pond be damned!"

"Vicki wrote in to say that, when it was raining, her dad would ask 'Do you reckon the rain will hurt the rhubarb?'
Maybe it's just a mid-west thing, but around here everybody knows to answer 'Not if it's in cans.'
That gives the first person the opportunity to reply 'That's silly, who ever heard of rain in cans?'
I've heard this exchange many many times over the years -- almost as often as 'Hot enough for you?' during a heat wave. Maybe it's just a mid-west thing or maybe I just have to get a better group of friends."

Oh, with Dakota Fanning on last night's program, I wondered what other siblings of celebrities have the name Dakota. I originally thought Bruce Willis and Demi Moore had a child named Dakota but I was mistaken. I looked it up and found it was Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith with a child named Dakota.

With a lot of free time on his hands, Bruce Alter of Fairfax Station, Virginia wrote with this:

"Some other Dakotas:
Chuck Norris' son
Melissa Gilbert's son
Macaulay Culkin's sister
Randy Johnson's daughter
A Martinez's son
(Wrestler) Goldust's daughter (also Dusty Rhodes' granddaughter)
Dakota Staton (jazz singer)
Veronica Cartwright's son (also Angela Cartwright's nephew)
By the way, Mary Hart was Miss South Dakota."

Joe Monti of Lewis Run, Pennsylvania guessed November 18 would be Dave's 4000th show. Sorry, Joe, but November 18th was Dave's 3982nd show. You are a loser. If you looked up loser in the dictionary, you wouldn't be able to find it.

Gord Osley of Toronto guessed November 18th would be Dave's 4000th show. Sorry, Gord, but you are a loser. Let me guess, the early harvest, right?

Mindy Weiser of Las Vegas guessed November 19 would be Dave's 4000th hosted show. Sorry, Mindy, but you are a loser. It's people like you with their "keen grasp of numbers" who keep Vegas in business.

Matthew Carlin of Solon, Ohio guessed November 19th would be Dave's 4000th hosted show. Sorry, Matthew, but you are a loser. Hey, Matt, maybe you can figure this one out. November 19, 2003 was Dave's 3,983rd hosted show. Can you tell me when Dave hosted his 3,983rd show?

What to send out men and women in the military for the holidays? Many Wahoo readers want to know. What to send? Where to send it? Any ideas?