Well let’s see if we can top yesterday’s show.

Harrison Ford was named Sexiest Grandfather in this month’s Grand Magazine. Dave holds up the issue of, oh yeah, a sexy Harrison Ford. And Grand also named Dave as Creepiest Old Dude.

The Iraqis are still ecstatic over their freedom to vote in last Sunday’s election, their first free election in 50 years. We have a LIVE shot of the celebrating going on in Baghdad at this very moment. We take a look and they sure are a happy bunch. Some may have mistaken the clip for Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, but nope, it’s Baghdad.

It’s now time for John Kerry: Back with a Vengeance. The guy is still going strong, full energy. We see a clip from his appearance on last Sunday’s Meet the Press.
Kerry: “But but but, you can’t be . . . . uh . . . . uh . . . Let me, let me phrase it this way . . . . . . . . . . .”
Nothing.
Dang it. Maybe Kerry could have been as much fun as G.W.

GEORGE W. BUSH FIRST TERM VS. SECOND TERM
How will things be different?
First Term: naps from 2 PM to 5 PM
Second Term: naps from 2 PM to 6 PM

First Term: wrecked the Middle East
Second Term: wrecking Social Security

First Term: Sure that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction
Second Term: come to think of it, it might have been Iran

First Term: spent a lot of time and energy running for re-election
Second Term: already gearing up to run for that elusive third term

First Term: chocked on a pretzel
Second Term: close to a deal with Nabisco to choke on an Oreo

First Term: Americans go to Canada to avoid expensive drugs
Second Term: Americans go to Canada to avoid draft

First Term: sought to bring dignity to the White House
Second Term: seeks to brink Monster-Truck shows to the White House

First Term: lies to get us into war with Iraq
Second Term: lies to get us out of war with Iraq

First Term: criticized for spending too much time vacationing on Texas ranch
Second Term: will instead spend more time vacationing at Kennebunkport beach house

First Term: dazed
Second Term: confused

First Term: tried to keep harmony between members of cabinet
Second Term: trying to keep Bush twins out of liquor cabinet

First Term: vows to one day put a man on Mars
Second Term: vows to one day put a man on Liza Minnelli

DEBRA MESSING: She’s in the Will & Grace and in the Friday release of The Wedding Date. She’s also the mom of a 10-month-old. She’s taught her son how to use sign language and is able to ask for “milk” and “more.” She shows the sign for “milk.” Debra holds out her fist and squeezes a number of times, like milking a cow. Dave says at his home, that’s the sign for something else. But why teach your child sign language? She read where before they can verbalize language, children can learn and use sign language to communicate their wants. It helps cut down on their frustration. I read the same and it kind of makes sense. What does her son, Roman, like to do? She says one thing Roman enjoys is sucking on people’s noses, not such a good thing during the cold and flu season. Dave says he has an uncle who does that.

Debra isn’t the first in her family to dabble in the show business. Her mom was a member of The Brooktones back when she was just a teen, along with three other girls. They “retired” by the time they reached 17, but they did produce two hits: “Cute and Collegiate” and “There Must Be A Reason.” Paul says he thinks he knows “Cute and Collegiate” and plays and sings a few notes. Debra thinks he is just goofing around but her face immediately brightens up when Paul begins to play. “You know the song! You know my mother’s song!” She was delighted. You can see more of Debra this Friday when her film, The Wedding Date opens. It’s just like Pretty Woman, but the opposite.

PEYTON MANNING: quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts, voted the Most Valuable Player for the 2nd year in a row, and just off one of the most successful seasons for a quarterback in history. But Peyton will be the first to tell you it wasn’t successful enough since he will be watching the Super Bowl like the rest of us. Unfortunately, and unfairly, a quarterback is only deemed successful if he brings home a Super Bowl trophy. This season, Peyton threw for an NFL record 49 touchdown passes, bettering Dan Marino’s 1984 record of 48.

The Colts had a great season right up to their last game when got bested by the New England Patriots. How’s the team look for next year? Peyton says the reality of sports today points to them losing some players due to free agency and the salary cap.

Does Peyton prefer playing indoors or outdoors? Peyton prefers outdoors, where football is supposed to be played. What about the new stadium to be built for the Colts? Peyton says it will have a retractable dome, with the naming rights still available. (How about “Taxpayer Stadium”?)

Peyton Manning can be found on the new Wheaties box. Dave slowly asks, “And Peyton, do you . . . eat . . .” The very wise Mr. Manning quickly jumps in with “Yes, I eat my Wheaties!” Dave has his own photo on a box of cereal. He pulls out the new Cap’n Crunch cereal box with Dave in the Cap’ns hat and a stogie in his mouth.

We go to commercial as Dave invites Peyton to participate in tonight’s LATE SHOW Quarterback Challenge. This will be Peyton’s 2nd time participating; his first time December 8, 1997

ACT 5: It’s Dave and Peyton preparing for a round of Quarterback Challenge on Broadway.

QUARTERBACK CHALLENGE: We have a fleet of yellow taxi cabs ready to roll down Broadway. Dave and Peyton will attempt to toss a football into the rear open window. The cabs are cued. The yellow taxi cabs pass by. Dave throws, and Peyton immediately follows. Both hit the cab . . . . but miss the open rear window. Emptying the bin o’ balls, neither the Late Show host nor the NFL MVP can meet the challenge. This is the 3rd consecutive Quarterback Challenge that has gone unsuccessful. Each time I say, “I can do that,” but if Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady, and Peyton Manning can’t do it, what makes me think I can?

I have to go back to the videotape. Many years back when we first attempted this, and usually met with success, I believe the front windows of the yellow cabs were also opened as well as the rear window, doubling our chance of success. I think this because I once drove a cab for a Quarterback Challenge. I was asked to sit in the cab until someone came to take over. I was to keep the car running and prevent any “friendly” New Yorkers from helping themselves to a free yellow taxi cab. The Quarterback Challenge began and I waited for my relief. Eventually I was next and when I was waved on, I had to go. I remember being a bit nervous about getting hit by a football, which is why I believe we used to have the front window opened. Anyway, not until I came to a stop at the end of the block did I realize one of the footballs made it into the back of the cab.

And that was our show for Tuesday February 1, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Note to the Bush Administration, and to any other administration looking to peddle influence to willing scribes (see; Williams, Armstrong; and Gallagher, Maggie): I’m available, and at half the price!

Who would have thought there would be free elections in Iraq before we had NHL hockey?

We had a very cold week in the New York Metro area last week, much to the poorly-hidden glee of the TV weather guys. They pretended to be commiserating with us over the bitter cold but they were actually elated to be the lead story instead of being pushed to the rear. Friday I was listening to the CBS-TV News noon weather guy and he points out with amazement that it hasn’t been this cold since way back in January of 2004! Imagine that! It hasn’t been this cold in January since . . . . LAST JANUARY! Who would have ever guessed that? Gee whiz! Of course, the anchors sitting at the desk go “wowee!” without pointing out the obvious. I sure hope somebody slapped him after the newscast.

MY SATURDAY SUPER BOWL PLAN:
I’m pushing the idea to move the Super Bowl to Saturday from now on, so the folks on the east coast could throw an adequate Super Bowl Party without worrying about work the next day. Plus, kids would be allowed to stay at to the game’s completion. Right now the game starts too late, after 6:00 PM on Saturday night, and becomes too much of an effort for those on the east coast to enjoy.

So this is my plan for a Saturday Super Bowl. It would be more convenient to the home viewer and it would be better for the fans at the game. But of course, a decision of this magnitude – changing the Super Bowl to a Saturday – has nothing to do with the benefits to the fans. The only interest in the move would be to make more money. Could the network make more money? Could the NFL make more money? Could the players make more money? If you can answer “Yes” to the above questions, then the Super Bowl could be moved to Saturday. The fans? Not even a concern. Not in the equation. So how can the above make money?

The networks – Saturday is the slowest TV day of the week. By putting the Super Bowl on Saturday immediately puts it to the top! From the bottom to the top! Sunday already is the biggest TV night. Putting the Super Bowl there is only making the strong stronger. The Saturday increase would be greater, making the weak strong. And if the game is played on Saturday, the start time can be inched up later than it is now, and viewers on the east coast are more likely to stay around to the end without work to worry about the next day.

The NFL – right now, the Super Bowl is played on Super Bowl Sunday. Move it to Saturday and now the Super Bowl is played on Super Bowl Weekend! That’s right. Now the Super Bowl isn’t a one day deal --- it’s a whole weekend! Three days of NFL football festivities. And the networks can play this up as well. They can televise the pre-game festivities on Friday night and Sunday can be the post-game celebrations with live entertainment and interviews with the winning team. Lots of celebrities. Lots of entertainment. Lots of promoting of the network’s television shows over 3 days.

Of course the players would benefit from this. The winning team would be feted all day Sunday on national TV instead of only locally as they are now on the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday. And as it stands now, all the Super Bowl coverage the day before and the day after the Super Bowl is local. By making it a big event, sandwiching the game on Saturday, gives the network control over the NATIONAL coverage. It would be a well organized money-squeeze instead of the rushed, helter-skelter post game celebration. Why make the post-game celebration a half-hour rush job where few are watching on the east coast when it can become a three-hour extravaganza in primetime Sunday!

There is still more work to be done but this is just a start. Just keep thinking “Super Bowl Weekend” vs. “Super Bowl Sunday.” More on this to come.

(Psssst. I don’t want “them” to hear me. And the Super Bowl on Saturday will benefit the fan as well. No work the day after the Super Bowl. Super Bowl parties would really become a big event all over the country. Lots of overnight bashes at big hotels. But don’t let “them” know it would benefit the fan. It might screw up the whole thing.)

Hold it. My idea about hotels across the country throwing Super Bowl parties is better than I first thought. Imagine what hotels could to with a Super Bowl on a Saturday. Big parties, without the driving, and sold-out rooms. And it wouldn’t just be in the Super Bowl host city. It would be in every city across the nation. It would be bigger than New Years Eve! Dang it, it makes so much sense! Now we’re talking about the hotel business getting behind this idea.

Hello, Mr. Moonves. Let’s talk. Let’s do lunch. Let’s get this thing moving before one of those other guys makes it their own. Heck, this would be such a boon to the whole national economy, get me Bush on the phone! It would be three days of money spending. How’s that for a kick in the economy! Sorry, Les. I’m moving on to the President. This is too big for just a network.

The Wahoo Gazette: Most of it’s true!