AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL
A.S.&T. #1 Mary Lowe of Irvine, California.
Dave is familiar with the Irvine area, and asks if it’s the Irvine University. . . . Anteaters? Mary concurs, yes, they are the anteaters. Mary is a 4th grade schoolteacher in the Fullerton School District, teaching at the Hermosa school. Why in New York? Mary won a trip on the game show, “Balderdash.” Dave is unfamiliar, as is Paul. Then it begins to trickle into his mind, Balderdash, oh yeah, on the PAX channel here in New York. Who is the host? Elayne Boosler. DING! Now I know “Balderdash” too.

What do they have to show or tell? Mary and her husband Warren can be seen in Sports Illustrated magazine in a crowd shot at a Dodger game. The Dodgers just won the game and in the background, 3 rows back, you can see Mary and Warren whooping it up. Warren is wearing a #23 Kirk Gibson shirt. I say, “Who cares you are in Sports Illustrated! I wanna know, how did you get those seats?!” Or did she say how and I missed? I remember a Sports Illustrated cover shot in ’75 of fans cheering in Fenway Park. They received many letters from those in the shot. 30 years ago . . . yeeeshh.

Mary receives lovely parting gifts for her participation. Before our lovely Monti leaves, she has something to say to Dave.

“What up, meat?
“Enjoying the Summer Olympics? Me, too”
“USA USA USA USA”
“Go for the Gold!”
“USA USA USA USA”
“How about that Lance Armstrong, the first man to ride a bicycle on the moon.”
“Call me if this thing gets boring.”
“Night, chump.”

A.S.&T #3. Kurt Jenson of La Crosse, Wisconsin.
Oh, the dairy land. Dave asks what he should think of when he thinks of La Crosse? Kurt says, “Beer.” Kurt adds, “It has the world’s largest six-pack.” (I got the car running!) At the slightest lull, Dave asks Kurt, “Would you like to hit me in the stomach as hard as you can?” Kurt seems a bit too willing.

TIME OUT! During the taping, Dave got the cards mixed up and did Kurt before Mark the Country Music singer. After 30 seconds of Q&A with Kurt, Dave was informed of his error. He then had Kurt sit back down and went to Mark the country singer. I wanted to watch the show at home to see how we fixed this, if we did at all, but I fell asleep watching Full House with my girls.

TIME IN! What does Kurt have for us? Kurt can balance a full bottle of beer on his tongue. Sounds interesting. Kurt sticks out his tongue as far as he can … TIME OUT! Look at the size of that tongue! There’s your “Show and Tell” right there! TIME IN! Kurt places a bottle of Budweiser on his tongue and balances it for 10 seconds. Ta da. I know what I’m doing this weekend!

And that was our Audience Show and Tell for today.

Back from commercial, we take a look at the World’s Largest Six Pack from La Crosse, Wisconsin right off the computer color printer. It was mentioned in the ACT 1 and 5 minutes later, voila, we have a picture of the World’s Largest Six Pack. We are living in some great times.

Looking at the World’s Largest Six Pack, Dave says he can imagine driving down the interstate and seeing that would make you want to stop and drink some beer. He then reminisces about his drinking days and how he loved it; loved everything about it, even the hangovers. He asks, “Ever wake up in the morning and your teeth vibrate like you swallowed the clock radio?”

And now a peek behind the scenes:
Back in the shack, we quickly found a photo of the La Crosse beer six-pack but when we went to make a print out, the printer was out of color ink. We worked at a feverish pace to make the change and get the print. The six-pack printout got to Dave seconds before we came back.

He’s a changed man now, is Dave, and is living the right life. The once daredevil now makes no excuses for his safety precautions. Safety first before all else. Once again, he has the LATE SHOW bear put away. Doing the duties tonight is Boy Scout Troop 890 from Dallas, Texas. They are in town for a Jamboree. We see a clip of them doing a fine job of putting the LATE SHOW bear away. I’m sure ALL will get a nice badge for that.

The information I got on this Boy Scout troop was they were Troop 890. But what was the red patch on their shoulder, 1730? Any Boy Scouts out there that can fill me in?

Sad news in outerspace/TV news: James Doohan, the actor who played “Scotty” on Star Trek, passed away this week at the age of 85. Dave saw a bit of the funeral this morning.

We see a clip of a dark and starry outer space. Suddenly, a hearse with Star Trek engines flies by. The graphic reads, “Live: James Doohan Funeral.”

Although he seems staid and stiff, Supreme Court nominee John Roberts is deemed quite funny by his colleagues. We see him at a speaking engagement from Tuesday. He speaks of the great honor of being nominated to the Supreme Court. He speaks highly of President Bush. He gives a brief history of his accomplishments. All the while, those watching are laughing in hysterics. A transcript of his speech doesn’t read very funny. It’s all in his delivery.

President Bush is receiving some criticism for picking a white guy to replace Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court. We see an example of this.

“Responding to criticism of President Bush for replacing a woman justice with a white male, White House communications director Dan Bartlett said ‘there was serious consideration given to people who represent all walks of life.’ (skeptical) Really? Do we honestly believe the White House looked at him? (photo of Native American). Or her? (photo of aborigine woman) Or him perhaps? (photo of Eskimo) The Bush Administration – Lyin’ our asses off since 2000!”

TOP TEN: Signs Lance Armstrong is Getting Cocky – he’s due to win on Sunday.
#9. For next two stages will be riding a unicycle.
#6. Yesterday rode twenty miles out of his way looking for whores.
#4. Lets fans ride on the handlebars.

BRIAN WILLIAMS: the new anchor of the NBC Nightly News, on the post since December 3rd, taking over for Tom Brokaw. My first thought when seeing Brian Williams was, “Hey, he goes to the same barber as Peter Jennings.” I remember Brian Williams’ first visit to the LATE SHOW. It was back in September ’96. I don’t know if he was a late fill-in or a long-scheduled guest, but he surprised all of us with how funny and quick-witted he was. At one point Dave said to him back then, “You may be too funny to by in news.” I’ve liked him ever since.

Tonight he talked about Tom Brokaw; how he likes his studio brisk cold just like Dave; Brian is a dirt track stock car sponsor; has a small place in Montana; and been to Montana rodeos. We see a photo of Brian with his son standing by the stock car he sponsors. On the rear panel reads, “Brian Williams.” Above it and closer to the front is, in big bright letters, “Alliance Concrete Forming.” Any long time Letterman watcher would know Dave would make some mention of this. And he did. Years and years ago while I watched Late Night, or maybe even his daytime show, Dave was looking at some photographs. The guest would explain each. One photo was in a kitchen. All the action in the photo was in the foreground but for some reason, my eye went to the wall clock in the background. I don’t know why my eye went to the clock. The clock must have gone to Dave’s eye too because he asked the guest after he explained the foreground action, “And at about what time was this photo taken?” I hooted with laughter. After the light fun talk in the first segment, Brian showed off what he knew about the Supreme Court. He actually made it sound kind of interesting. Like in any business, it’s the guys on top, in this case the Supreme Court Justices who get all the publicity and adulation. But it’s the Clerks who do all the grunt work and who are the backbone of the system. Brian lauded the work of these clerks.

Near the end, Williams said he was once a firefighter on the Jersey shore. Really? I did a quick check and was happy to read he was a Volunteer.

ACT 5: When visiting the La Crosse, Wisconsin area, make sure to visit the city brewery and the Giant Six Pack. But a warning, please don’t climb on the six pack or your ass will be hauled off to La Crosse, Wisconsin’s state of the art jail. Enjoy your trip.

ELVIS COSTELLO AND THE IMPOSTERS AND EMMYLOU HARRIS – Look for Elvis Costello and the Imposters’ CD, The Delivery Man, and Emmylou Harris’ The Very Best of Emmylou Harris: Heartaches and Highways in stores now. Together, they performed “Love Hurts.”

Before saying goodnight, Dave asks Paul, “Were they the real Imposters with Elvis?”

And that was our show for Thursday July 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Here’s a scary thought . . once Sandra Day O’Connor is out . . . the hottest Supreme Court Justice will be Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Anybody else find it a bit odd that Mia Farrow is defending Roman Polanski?

Brian Williams mentioning that he was a firefighter made me think of this:

Over the two-week break, I went to a volunteer fireman softball game. I played a couple decades ago for the Hillcrest, New York Volunteers; centerfield and batted lead-off, but haven’t played in years. I then joined the NYPD and my schedule didn’t quite link up to allow me to play with Hillcrest anymore. Some time later, I ruined my knee and my softball games were over for good. Since ’89, I’ve played maybe 5 games, and none within the past 10 years. So, I heard Hillcrest would be finishing their season against Haverstraw and decided to take in the game. And whenever I go to a game, even if I’m not playing, I throw my mitt and spikes in the trunk. Just in case. You never know. Now, I didn’t want to play, I had no intention of playing. In fact, I made sure to arrive 10 minutes after the game started just so they wouldn’t try to talk me into playing. I got there in the 2nd inning. It’s been a long season for the Hillcrest FD and this looked like it was going to be a long game. Hillcrest had the minimum 9 guys in the field. They couldn’t field a full ten. Some of the players gave a couple looks my way but I pretended without saying that I didn’t have my gear with me; no mitt, no spikes. Well, seconds after I got there one of our guys got hit in the head with a ball and broke his glasses. He was cut by the eye. After one-second of concern, I knew what was coming. They looked my way to take his place. I had to do it . . . I had to do it for the team. I quickly got my stuff. Unfortunately, the guy got hit by the ball when he was at bat. Somehow he fouled the pitch back into his face. I never saw that before. So not only was I going into a game for the first time in 10 years, I was going right in to hit. No practice, no nothing. I grab a bat. I asked the ump, “What’s the count?” He says, “0-2.” I stepped back out. I figured, “Well, this is how stories are made.” I decided to go for the big swing when the pitch came. The first pitch was a ball, high and outside. The ball had some good speed on it. It was the first pitch I’ve seen in 10 years. The next pitch was waist high . . . but outside. I swung my 32-inch bat at the pitch that was 33 inches away. DOH!!! That was that. My big return ended in a strikeout. When I played in the day, I would usually strike out once a year. I guess the same still holds true.

Luck was on my side when we took the field. The guy who got hurt was playing first base. Not much running, not much throwing, just catch the ball. Even that seemed new to me but after a few warm-ups, I began to feel comfortable. The arm soon was loose and felt good, too. I made all the plays that came my way without a problem.

My next at bat resulted in a walk. Oh, if only the pitcher knew. . . . . Not till it was 3-0 did I think about waiting out a walk. Back in the day, that thought was automatic after the first ball. I was surprised to realize how I had forgotten that every pitch creates a new situation and puts the batter in a new frame of mind. I walked on 5 pitches. I was happy to be on base but a bit disappointed I didn’t get a chance to swing. I was already feeling very comfortable at the plate and was itching for a hit. My arm was feeling good, I was comfortable in the field, and very relaxed at the plate. I was very surprised at how fast everything was coming back. As I waited on first base after my walk, the next batter hit a single to right. I ran to second and turned to third. OH MY GOD! WHOSE LEGS ARE THESE? The legs under me didn’t feel like my own. Nothing was in sync. I had forgotten how to run! I made it to third base very depressed. Back in the day when I ran from first to third, it felt like my feet would touch the ground twice, once between each base. I would fly around the bases, barely touching the ground. And now, plop plop plop plop. Every step felt as if my ankles were about to give way. It was not a good thing. It felt like I’ve aged 20 years in the last two decades.

My next time up, I lined a single to left on the second pitch. It felt great. I was right on it. My travels around the bases did not improve, though. I felt like a guy in his late 40s trying to play a kid’s game. And that’s how the season started and ended for me. Next game is in April.

Now that Larry Brown is coming to the Knicks, it looks like point guard Stephon Marbury may be on the way out . . . and that opens the door to my coming back as a fan of the Knicks.