During the pre-show Q&A, a woman in the audience asked if she could put away the LATE SHOW bear. Dave looked over to the Executive Producer Barbara Gaines who gave the sign that we could and would do anything that’s desired. Just then, the signal is made for the beginning of the show and it looked like Valerie would be putting away the LATE SHOW bear. Phone calls were immediately made and people notified. Would Valerie be putting away the LATE SHOW bear? We all would find out a little bit into the show. Once Dave takes a seat at the desk, we learn that Dave’s is on board to send Valerie down to the den of the LATE SHOW bear. Biff leads Valerie on her way. We will see her soon later.

It’s a LATE SHOW tradition, fresh off his 7th consecutive Tour de France championship, ladies and gentlemen, here is Lance Armstrong!
A fat guy in a yellow jersey rides in on a 10-speed bike and up and through the audience. Lance exits through the doors in the back of the house.
It looks like Lance wasted no time in enjoying his retirement. Good for Lance! He deserves it!

Dave checks with Ms. Gaines, to see how Valerie is coming along. Dave wants to make sure she signs a waiver before she even gets near the LATE SHOW bear. And we should have the tranquility darts loaded up and at the ready. Gaines gives the “we’re on it” OK.

The President took his mom to Georgia to help stump for his Social Security agenda. Now, even this is causing him problems.

“Last week while promoting his failing Social Security package, President Bush referred to his mother Barbara as his ‘favorite senior citizen.’”
(cut to shot of Bush, Sr.)
“Listen you spoiled brat, I made you President. I helped you dodge Vietnam. And I even let you talk me out of voting for John Kerry. Huge mistake by the way. You better start showing Daddy a little love, punk!
Old Scholl Bush – Don’t mess with Texas.”

When the Harold remote concludes, we go downstairs to talk to Valerie. It’s time to put away the LATE SHOW bear. Valerie uses her Houston guile to force the Grizzly back into his lair. We are safe, thanks to Valerie for putting away the LATE SHOW bear.

And before we go to commercial, Dave calls our friend Lance Armstrong once again to come out and take a ride through the Late Show audience.

GEORGE CLARKE'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP
GEORGE is wearing nothing but a tank top t-shirt and boxer shorts: “What a day, what a day! Lance Armstrong continued his dominance by winning an unprecedented seventh consecutive Tour de France. If this was his final Tour de France as Armstrong has hinted, he’s secured his legacy as the greatest athlete the cycling world has ever seen. For all the joy you’ve given us, Lance, I speak for all cycling fans when I say ‘Merci.’” DAVE: "Uh, George, why are you wearing your underpants?”
GEORGE: “Oh, I took a public speaking course and they said if you’re nervous about giving a speech, you should do the speech in your underpants.”
DAVE: “Actually, George, I think you’re supposed to imagine the audience in their underpants.”
GEORGE: “Oh, I guess that would make more sense. Luckily I have the abs to pull it off, huh Dave?”
DAVE: “Yeah, George, we’re all very lucky. George Clarke, ladies and gentlemen.”

TOP TEN: GEORGE W. BUSH SOLUTIONS FOR GLOBAL WARMING
#7. Convene blue-ribbon committee to explore innovative ways of ignoring the problem.
#5. I dunno --- tax cuts for the rich.
#3. Switch to Celsius so scorching 98 becomes frosty 37.

And before we go to commercial, it’s one more visit from Lance Armstrong on his bicycle.

JOHN CUSACK: John is a big Chicago Cub fan. The last time he was here he told us about, or was about to go to, Game 6 on the Cubs/Giants playoff series. That was the game where Cub fan Steve Bartman prevented Cub outfielder Moises Alou from catching a foul ball. John is quite sure the Cubs will win it all this year since he’ll be in Bulgaria shooting a movie (outsourcing?) I wished Dave asked what he thought of the Chicago White Sox.

John is also a bit of the weather freak, a lover of big storms. He flew into the recent Hurricane Ivan with winds reaching 160 mph. It must be a pretty sturdy plane to fly through winds like that. Nope. It was a propeller plane kept together with masking tape. Masking tape? I pray he meant duct tape. Masking tape is only good for when painting trim. Duct tape is good for every other use in the world.

John said the eye of the storm measured 5 miles around. Diameter? No, not the diameter; around the eye, the circumference. So how big does that make the eye of the storm? Dave and John did not bother to do the calculations but I love stuff like this. It’s my reassurance that my high school years weren’t a total waste.

Enough information was offered to find the answer to how far across was the eye of the storm.
John Cusack said it was 5 miles around.
The formula for the circumference of a circle is C=2(pi)R.
C = Circumference
R=Radius
Pi = 3.14
C=2(pi)R
C=5, as given by John Cusack.
5=2(3.14)R.
R=2.5/3.14
Radius = .8
Diameter across the eye of the storm: 1.6 miles.

Thank you, Mr. Zebro.

John is also a fan of helicopter snowboarding. A helicopter takes him to a glacier, drops him off, and away he goes. He must be very good! John says he is not. It’s more “attitude over aptitude.”

You can see John in his new film, Must Love Dogs. It opens Friday.

LATE SHOW SUNBLOCK CHALLENGE - starring Biff Henderson. Dave is totally unfamiliar with this piece, but he decides to go ahead with it anyway.
It’s time for the “Late Show Sunblock Challenge.”
- Behind the scrim is Biff Henderson, blindfolded.
- The models will squirt sunblock into his hands
- Biff will determine what level of SPF is the lotion.

The models squirt. Biff rubs his hands together with the sunblock. Just as he is about to receive the answer through the atmosphere, Dave sneezes off camera. Doesn’t matter, Biff is so deep in thought he cannot hear or sense anything else. Biff announces it is a sunblock with an SPF of . . . 30. And it is! Biff is right! And that is how we play, “Late Show Sunblock Challenge.”

ACT 5: It’s time to announce the winner of the “Late Show I Don’t Look Like John Lithgow Contest.” We received dozens of entries and the person who looks the least like John Lithgow is Andrew Evangelista from Newark, Delaware. Andrew, you won two tickets to see John Lithgow in “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” on Broadway and a chance to go backstage to meet the man you don’t look like up close and personal. Congratulations Andrew, you’re the winner of the “I Don’t Look Like John Lithgow Contest.” This has been a Late Show Announcement. Keep it real!

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS: From their CD, Move Along, the Oklahoma rock band performed “Dirty Little Secret.” Lots of action. Lots of sound. Afterwards, Dave says he admired their peppiness.

And that was our show for Monday July 25, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

In my Friday recap of the show, I included a couple Top Ten items that never made the show. I was going off a copy from early in the day that had changed by show time. Oops. That’ll happen sometimes when I don’t care.

This weekend my girls performed in Alice in Wonderland. It was a fine production from Stage Left Children’s Theater out of Sparkill, New York. Very professionally done after nine 3-hour rehearsals. My Dominique had two pages of dialogue with a solo song in the middle. She was the caterpillar. Danielle was a Stinger Bee with a few lines and a few chorus songs. My niece Christina was the 3 of Spades. All performed with great poise. Lots of fun. A great experience. Very cool. Kudos to them and to the Stage Left Children’s Theater.

In drag racing, do both cars ever make it all the way to the finish line? One always seems to catch fire or blow an engine right at the start. The race is always a let down.

From Friday, July 22nd’s Wahoo Gazette:

From Deb Watson of Des Moines, Iowa:
“There used to be a TV show called ‘Fractured Flickers.’ Done by the ‘Rocky & Bullwinkle’ folks. I hadn't thought of that in years. I'll have to see if I can find it on DVD. Funny, funny series. I think Hans Conried was the host.”

“Your flickering memory (as well as that of recent Wahoo reader) incorrectly recalled Fractured Fairy Tales (by the Rocky and Bullwinkle creators) as Fractured Flickers, not to be confused with My Friend Flicka.”

“In your Friday ‘Wahoo,’ Deb Watson refers to ‘Fractured Flickers.’ She's got it wrong. It was ‘Fractured Fairytales.’”

“I believe the bit referred to from the old ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle Show’ should be ‘Fractured Fairytales’, not ‘Fractured Flickers.’ Just trying to keep the Gazette straight!”

“I'm the same age as you I think (46) and I don't remember Fractured Flickers, maybe because I was 5 years old when it was on TV, but here's an interesting link. Sounds like a clever show that didn't get a fair shot.”
www.dvdclassicscorner.net/fractured.htm

Rich Kauffman of Nappanee, Indiana writes:

“In response to reader Deb Watson's comment on Fractured Flickers in Friday's installment, I have in my hands a catalog called "Betty's Attic," and they have a three-DVD set of all 26 episodes of this show. 676 minutes worth! They can be found on the web at www.bettysattic.com. Hope this helps.”