During the monologue, Dave is a bit distracted by Tony Cue Cards' toothpick in his mouth. Dave tells him to get rid of it. After another joke, Dave has him put it back in.

Tuesday, August 2nd, Paul is hosting a benefit concert at B.B. King's Blues Club on 42nd Street in Times Square for Mike Smith, lead singer of the Dave Clark Five. After a fall, Mike is now partially paralyzed and Paul has gotten some old friends together to help lighten the load. There are two shows, the early show already sold out. For more information, check out www.bbkingblues.com

It's hot outside in New York today. We send Biff outside to see just how hot it is. We want Biff to fry an egg on the sidewalk. This was decided seconds before the show. Getting the eggs and the spatula was the easy part. Figuring which camera would cover Biff was the hard part. We had a camera on the Late Show bear; a camera for Rupert, a camera on the temperature clock; and we needed one on Biff. And who knew what order Dave would call for them?
We find Biff outside. Is it hot out there? Biff says, "It's hot as hell." The crowd behind Biff, who've gathered for Rupert's piece, give a cheer when Biff answers Dave. Dave tells Biff, "Tell them to knock it off." Biff turns and says, "Knock it off, losers!" A little later Biff will break an egg to see if he can fry it on the sidewalk.

As you know, Dave has been very safety conscious lately, making sure each night that the Late Show bear has been safely put away. While explaining this daily practice, our announcer Alan Kalter volunteers to put the bear away tonight. Dave is delighted to have a volunteer come forward to participate in this needy yet dangerous task. Alan runs across to the guest entrance and makes it down stairs in no time. He struggles with the Late Show bear and much to everyone's surprise, the Late Show bear gets the better of Alan. Alan is scratched, clawed, and bloodied. The Late Show bear escapes! Suddenly, the Late Show bear runs through the guest entrance on to the stage. He sniffs freedom as he makes it to the door to the outside. The Late Show bear throws aside one of our CBS Pages. The Page later got in trouble for leaving his post. The Late Show bear runs through the door and out into the street. Pedestrians flee with fear. The NYPD S.W.A.T. team is on the scene in no time and put the Late Show bear down with a half-dozen tranquilizer darts. The Late Show bear did not suffer any long term injuries from the ordeal. I don't think we'll get a volunteer quite so easily next time.

We check in with Biff. He cracks an egg and drops it on the sidewalk. For a second there it looked like the egg was going to whiten immediately, but it was just an illusion. We watch a bit more but little action takes place. The egg just sits there all loosey-like.

We next head over to Rupert Jee's Hello Deli. It's hot and the Rupert Jee Frozen Fruit Whippies are selling as fast as Slurpees. Dave learned seconds before the show that Rupert has a new T-shirt on sale. We look at the old one. Dave says is has a picture of a young Chairman Mao on the front. It goes for $14.... plus tax. The new one; white and festive with lots of color and NYC scenes, goes for $15 . . . . plus tax. Dave is impressed. He has Rupert put one on. Dave then suggests that for tonight only, Buy a Frozen Fruit Whippy and Rupert will throw in each of his t-shirts. What a deal! Rupert is near tears.
Tonight we will be playing "May We Turn Your T-Shirt Into a Tank Top?" Assisting Rupert tonight is our costume designer Susan Hum. Susan explains what we will be doing tonight and how she plans on cutting. Dave asks her to demonstrate on one of Rupert's new T-Shirts. Rupert puts one on and Susan cuts. With the actual contestant, Susan will also cut the neck lower to make it an authentic tank top. Rupert and Sue go outside to find a contestant.

How is Biff's egg coming along? It's still runny. Biff tries to flip the runny egg but it runs right through the spatula like a magic trick. Seeing little success in this venture, Dave tells Biff to go over to Rupert's and get himself a free T-Shirt. Biff's face brightens and he says, "Oh! OK!" and runs off.

HIGHLIGHTS OF LANCE ARMSTRONG'S 7TH CONSECUTIVE TOUR DE FRANCE VICTORY
- we see footage of the many stages of the Tour de France. We then see peculiar footage, such as a loop-de-loop motorcycle jump; Shecky footage; and a silhouette of ET flying across in front of the moon.

Dave goes back to Rupert and Susan. Who do we have? It's Shane from Utah. He's wearing a very red T-shirt. If I didn't know better, I would have guessed we had given him this shirt but I know for a fact we did not. It looked fresh out of the bag, though. We explain the game to Shane, who seems to be all for the game.
Dave asks, "Alan, what are we playing for tonight?"
Cut to Alan whose face is all cut up and bloody. "Dave, it's a Cuisinart Frozen Yogurt, Ice Cream and Sorbet Maker."
Many had already forgotten of Alan's prior troubles with the bear.
It's time to play. Rupert and Susan begin to cut the T-Shirt. Shane can do nothing but stand there and by tailored. While Susan is cutting away at the neck of the shirt, Dave suggests, "Sue, why don't you just go ahead and trim up that chest hair." I laughed. When we're done, Shane gets some stuff. Going to commercial, we take another look at the egg on the sidewalk. Not much happening.

TOP TEN: Answers to the question, "How Hot Is It?"
#10. "It's so hot, the Statue of Liberty is holding a Slurpee"
#7. "It's so hot, disoriented cab drivers are obeying traffic laws."
#3. "It's so hot, the rats jumped out of Rupert's chili and into his gazpacho."

JAMIE FOXX: He's an Academy Award winner for his role as Ray Charles in "Ray." Jamie says being an Academy Award winner makes the parties all the better now. I know it also stays with you the rest of your life. Now whenever he is introduced, it's "Our first guest is an Academy Award winner . . ." Jamie says his homies are helped in celebrating the Award. Dave asks, "When you say 'homies,' what do you mean by that?" Jamie laughs and says his homies don't even know what he won. Most were congratulating him on winning a Grammy.
Was he nervous sitting at the Awards waiting for the announcement? Jamie says he was, thinking what would happen if he didn't win. He was cautiously expecting to win. He said right before the announcement, his daughter leaned over and said, "Even if you don't win, you're a great actor."
His movie, "Stealth," comes out Friday. We see a clip. Ooops. It's Shecky footage! (Shecky is the guy who supplies the vintage clips you see throughout the show, whether it's an intro to a piece, part of a joke, or phony footage to a film.) Jamie Foxx laughs at the Shecky footage. Guests never know this is coming. I like their reaction because I sense they feel they can finally relax for a minute during the clip. With a sigh of relief, they sit back to watch the clip. Suddenly, SURPRISE! You can't relax yet! It really catches them off-guard. We then see the actual clip. "Stealth" - it opens Friday.

PAULY SHORE: He stars in the new reality show, "Minding the Store" on TBS, Sunday nights. It covers Pauly taking over "The Comedy Store" which has been run by his mom, Mitzi, for years. Every comedian had to go through The Comedy Store on their way up the ladder. Name any well-known comedian who started in the 60's, 70's, and 80's and they ALL worked the Comedy Store. Now, Pauly is running the show with some input from mom and dad.
Pauly mentions that Dave used to baby-sit him many years ago. Dave denies it. Pauly accuses Dave of volunteering to baby-sit for better stage time at the Comedy Store. Dave again denies. Pauly apologizes and says he must be thinking of Biff Maynard. Dave chuckles an acknowledging laugh.
Dave asks Pauly to perform his famous "Weasel." I'm unfamiliar with the weasel. Pauly says he will do it but he has to do it up close to Dave. Dave says that's not necessary. Eventually, Pauly does the weasel. I'm still unfamiliar with it. "Minding the Store" - on TBS Sunday nights.
Pauly will also be performing this weekend at Caroline's down the block.

ACT 5: The word is out. Buy a Rupert Jee Frozen Fruit Whippy and get 2 Rupert T-Shirts free!

And that was our show for Tuesday, July 26th. Wahoo EXTRA!

It's so hot, I'm dating Dolly Parton just for the shade.

Walking the streets of Manhattan on a day like this, not only can you feel the hot sun from above, but you also feel the heat soaked in by the brick and pavement all around you. It comes at you from all sides; above, below, and from the buildings. It's really like a convection oven. And then I found this someplace today while Googling:

"People living in urban areas may be at greater risk from the effects of a prolonged heat wave than those living in rural areas. Also, asphalt and concrete store heat longer and gradually release heat at night, which can produce higher nighttime temperatures known as the 'urban heat island effect.'"

I was looking at the show schedule on the BB King website and laughed when I was Dr. Dirty John Valby performing Sunday, July 31st. Hoo boy, is he dirty. I first saw him at Cortland State in 1978. Dirty dirty dirty songs. After the show, I got up on stage and gave him a quarter and said, "Call your mother and tell her what you do for a living." He then signed a dollar bill for me, "'Givl' you." Man oh man, Dr. Dirty John Valby. Funny show.
"...So give another verse that's worse than the other verse and waltz me around by my willy!"
His write-up on the BB King: "Dr. Dirty's song parodies are the filthiest and funniest you will ever hear. He got his start playing in a bar in Buffalo, NY. One night, he threw in three mildly dirty songs during a set of rock tunes. The next week, the bar was packed with people who just wanted to hear him play those three numbers. Now he makes his living touring under the name 'Dr. Dirty' and performing some of the most tasteless songs ever written. His lyrics are definitely over the top and feminists have even protested his XXX-rated act. But he enjoys a massive cult following that has packed his live shows for the past 20 years."
Twenty years? It's closer to 30!

The New York Mets are making the same mistake they made last year: getting hot right before the trading deadline and thinking they have a shot at the playoffs. They then trade one of their minor league future stars for a major league pitcher with a crooked arm. Think next year, Mets, think next year.

As for the Yankees, I see them making a move for the best relief pitcher available, possibly a closer. If it's a guy like Guardado, the Yankees could throw at you Mariano in the 9th, Guardado in the 8th, and Gordon in the 7th. Tanyon Sturtze would be there to finish up the 6th when the starter tires. Yes, Yankee starters tire in the 6th.

Yesterday I lauded two personal favorite cartoons of mine: Rocky and Bullwinkle and Col. McBragg, created by the same team of people. Of course, whenever I don't research before putting fingers to keyboard, I'm sure to make a mistake. It's a bit surprising to me how faulty my memory is. But if I never made any mistakes, I would never get any mail.

Andrew Hoenig of Rockville, Maryland:

"I think you mean Commander McBragg, who was part of the Tennessee Tuxedo show. Although, to your credit, Jay Ward did use him once, just not on R&B.
At least, according to this link:
http://www.toonopedia.com/mcbragg.htm
Sideline. New Hampshire has license plates with a picture of a moose on the left side of the plate. I saw one of these moose plates which read "&SQURL". I am the only one I know who thinks this is funny.

"I'm glad you got the Fractured Flickers story straight, but you made another error. Col. McBragg was NOT a product of the Jay Ward studios, which made Fractured Flickers, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Goerge of the Jungle, etc.
It was created by the studio that did Tennessee Tuxedo and other characters. It and other segments from that studio were sometimes shown on syndicated versions of Rocky and Bullwinkle (hence your confusion), but they lacked the adult and skewed humor that was the mark of the Jay Ward shows.
They looked very similar to the 'Rocky' family of characters, because both studios farmed their animation out to the same studio in Mexico."

And another error:
Yesterday I wrote in the John Cusack recap that Cub fan Steve Bartman interfered with right fielder Moises Alou which allowed the San Francisco Giants another chance to come back and defeat the lovable Cubs. Ooops. It wasn't the Giants; it was the Florida Marlins. I was thinking of a leftfield fielding debacle and Barry Bonds came to mind.

More and more the Wahoo Gazette is like this: Half the stuff I write is new; the other half is corrections of what I had written prior.