AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL
A&S#1: Holly Valdes of Howell, New Jersey.
Where is Howell? Holly says around Belmar and Point Pleasant. That doesn't help Dave much. She says it's about half way down the state. I'm yelling, "Exit 98! Exit 98!" Holly is a communications major at Farleigh Dickinson University in Tenafly/Hackensack, New Jersey. She wants to get into television production. My tip: "If it ain't rehearsed, expect the worst."

What does Holly have for us? When she was 8 years old, she auditioned to be a model for a toy company. Out of 100 applicants, she won out! And she appeared on the box of K'Nex, a LEGO-type toy. She shows the box of which she appears. Dave admires the toy, explaining it looks to be made of a wide variety of pieces of chokable hazards.

A&S#2: Jonathan Williams of West Hartford, Connecticut.
What's he do? Not much, not now. He had gone to Fordham University and then applied to law school. He didn't get in so he went to Plan B. Being a big fan of the Forrest Gump movie, Jonathan decided to take up the adventure as did Gump: run across the United States of America. He started May 8th in Newport Beach, California and will end up in Newport, Rhode Island to finish the run. Newport to Newport. He ran between 30-40 miles a day on back roads, interstates, and quite a bit on Route 66. Ever take a day off? Jonathan says he took off today. We see photos of Jonathan's run, starting with a shot of his baby jogger which acted as his chariot and cart; we see him at the Arizona State sign, New Mexico's, Kansas, and Connecticut. Did he do this to raise money? No, to promote positive attitude. Running across the country . . . not a bad thing to have on your resume.

A&S#3: Jeff Hawes of Burlington, North Carolina.
Where's Burlington? Right about smack dab in the center of the state. What does Jeff do? He's a tennis pro at a local club. Ooh, ever gamble with members of the club? It would be a good way to make some, you know, some scratch, green, cash, dough. Jeff claims there is no gambling involved. I guess he means when he plays the members, it's pretty much a sure thing.
What's Jeff got for us? Jeff says he can palm 7 tennis balls with one hand. Jeff puts one tennis ball between his
pinky and ring finger;
between his ring finger and the middle finger;
between his middle finger and his index finger;
in the middle of his palm
and 6. two balls between his pinky and thumb along the lower part of his palm.
and finally, one ball between his index finger and his thumb.

As soon as I find 7 tennis balls, I'll be trying that. Looks do-able, but then, all the great masters always make it look easy.

During the pre-show Q&A, an audience member named Ann from Kalamazoo, Michigan asked if she could put away the LATE SHOW Bear. Dave allows the request to go forward and our Biff Henderson escorts her down to the basement where the hungry and feral beast resides. Meanwhile . . .

Martha Stewart is about to make her debut on NBC's new program, The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. Donald Trump's catchphrase "You're Fired" became an enormously popular tag and many wonder what Martha's catchphrase will be. The secret was finally revealed yesterday and it sounds like a winner. We see and hear the announcement.

Announcer: "Move over Donald Trump, because there's a new boss in town. This fall, don't miss 'The Apprentice: Martha Stewart,' as America's favorite domestic diva eliminates contestants with a catchphrase that's tough, direct, and classy, just like Martha herself."
We cut to Martha, who shouts her new catchphrase: "Get the 'givl' off my property!"
"'The Apprentice: Martha Stewart,' coming soon to NBC Wednesday.

Sponsoring the Late Show Bear tonight: Bob's Big Boy Restaurant - "Big Boy, Make You Say 'Oh Boy!'"

During the putting away of the LATE SHOW Bear, Dave suspects the bear may have tried to work in a couple of "clumsy gropes."

Back from commercial, Dave is informed that the Vice President of Human Resources had a stern talk with the LATE SHOW Bear covering sexual harassment.

NICK CIRILLO: he's a 19-year-old kid who is a batboy for the Florida Marlins and got suspended for drinking a gallon of milk. Huh? Nick has been working with the Marlins for a few years now, evident by his wearing of the 2003 World Series ring earned by the Florida fish vs. the New York Yankees. How does a kid get to be a batboy for the Marlins organization? Nick says his dad was a good friend with the old club house manager and that was his "in." Nick works as the batboy for the visiting team. His responsib . . . hold it hold it hold it! Nick is 19. He's the same age as the rookie pitching phenom up in Seattle, Felix Hernandez. How about that. Nick says this is probably his last year as batboy. Anyway, Nick's responsibilities include getting the equipment ready, towels ready, filling the water and Gatorade coolers and making sure the team is fully stacked with snacks. Does Nick handle a lot of snacks? The slightly heavy Nick exclaims, "Oh, I handle snacks all the time!" What's some of the most popular snacks the players enjoy? Nick says, "Ice cream." During the game? Nick says ice cream anytime they want it. . . during, before, after. . . it doesn't matter.

So what's the story about the milk?

Two weeks ago, the L.A. Dodgers were in town and Dodger pitcher, and former Marlin Brad Penny got the idea of challenging Nick to drink a gallon of milk in one hour, and then keeping it down for another hour. If he could do it, Penny said he would give Nick $500. Nick took a day to think about it. Drinking a gallon of milk . . . is that a good idea? Nick wasn't too sure so he called his friend who is an EMT. His friend said it could be done, but didn't think Nick could do it. The next day Nick was still a bit unsure. He asked Penny, "Will I get in trouble for this?" Brad advised, "How are you gonna get in trouble for drinking milk? And if you get sick, all you're going to do is throw up." Nick decided to go for it. He finished the gallon of milk in 59 minutes. Part one of the challenge was met. Part two, not so. Within a few minutes, Nick threw up 59 minutes of work. Well, the Florida Marlins got wind of the circumstances and suspended Nick for 6 games. Did it have to do with club house gambling? Betting that he could drink a gallon of milk? He says the Marlins didn't say, then chimes, "but it was a dare! The money was just an add-on." So Nick lost the dare, but he did get a trip to New York City out of it.

PAUL REISER: He’s the writer, producer, and star of The Thing About My Folks, which opens September 16th in selected cities. Paul’s been traveling around to baseball games across the country with his son rooting for the home teams. At Chicago’s Wrigley Field, Paul got the opportunity to throw out the first ball. He was given one bit of instruction over and over again: “Don’t Bounce It.” Bouncing the first ball at Wrigley will stay with you the rest of your life. “I loved you in ‘Mad About You’ but didn’t you bounce the first ball?” You don’t want to bounce it. Paul bravely took to the mound and proudly says he didn’t bounce it. He threw it very very slow to ensure the ball’s proper route and believes the ball may still be in flight, but at least he didn’t bounce it.

Paul had a very hard time getting The Thing About My Folks distributed. He says he was turned down by every studio. Even people without studios were calling and turning him down. But now that it’s out, the film has been getting really good reaction. Peter Falk, who plays Paul’s dad in the film, is fantastic and Reiser hopes there’s an Oscar nomination waiting for him. The Thing About My Folks – in selected theaters September 16th. Meanwhile, rent Diner. I loved it. You’ll be amazed at how many faces you recognize before they were recognized.

Whenever I see Paul Reiser on a talk show, I think back to a time he appeared on The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. I’m not sure of the story being told but I think it had to do with a beautiful aging starlet. Johnny says something about how great it would be to be with her if she were 30 years younger. Hold it. You know what? I don’t remember what the story was at all. The story probably wasn’t anything like that. I really don’t recall what was being discussed. Anyway, Paul Reiser was just making it big in show business, possibly making his first appearance on The Tonight Show. He may have been promoting the movie, Diner. So Reiser responded and agreed to something Johnny said, then added as an aside, “. . . but I would have only been 4 years old at the time.” Well . . . Johnny just about bust a gut. He roared with laughter. It was one of those ‘turning in his chair to howl with uncontrolled laughter’ kinds of laughs. I looked at Reiser and thought, “that man will never forget this moment for the rest of his life.” I couldn’t imagine making Johnny laugh like that. What a feeling that must have been. Someday when I’m somebody, I’ll have to ask Paul Reiser if he remembers that moment. Heck, I was only watching and it game me goose bumps.

I wonder if I remembered that right or if it’s one of those things that grew from nothing in my mind over the years.

ACT 5: "Hey moms and dads! Looking for a great toy for the kids with many chokable parts? Ask for K'Nex! at fine stores everywhere. K'Nex: A lawsuit waiting to happen. We'll be right back with more crap."

SPOON: From their really big CD, "Gimme Fiction," Spoon performed "Sister Jack."

And that was our show for Thursday September 1, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Frankenstein update. I bought the Mary Shelley classic Frankenstein as a garage sale this weekend and started reading it on my commute on the bus. Out of the blue, a staffer said to me that she read Frankenstein over the break and thought it was great. And now today, another staffer who read the Wahoo said he was leafing through Frankenstein last week and was thinking of giving it a read. So what's with the Frankenstein this week? I don't know anyone who ever read it and now it's come up 3 times this week.

I've taken a peek at some of the high-definition on the television sets around the theater and offices and I must admit the picture is pretty awesome. But as quick as I look, I look away just as quick. I'm more than happy with what I already have at home without the high-def. Right now I have no desire of going out and buying a high-definition TV. But if I sit and watch the new technology for any length of time, I'm sure I'll fall in love with it and decide I can't live without it. That's why I try to avoid it. Why create the need? I've lived happily without high-definition. I don't have a need for it. It's like Starbucks coffee. I've never had it and I don't want to try it. My Stop & Shop Instant is fine with me. But if I decide to visit a Starbucks and sample their special brands, I may find that I want their coffee, expensive as it may be. Like I said, I'm happy now with the Instant. Why expose myself to a more expensive product and create a "want" where satisfaction now exists?

Have you been watching the news about the Katrina atrocity? I must admit I haven't appreciated the full scope of devastation that has taken place in the New Orleans and Mississippi area. It is so hard to grasp the totality of destruction. It is so tragic. Absolutely incredible. Watching on TV, I find it hard to believe that’s the United States.

At least it's forced President Bush to finally create an energy program. "Don't buy gas if you don't need it."

And I know the President means well by traveling down to the disaster area but, like it was here in New York in September of 2001, the resources and man-power in the area are at the breaking point. Everything and everybody is exhausted. Now, much of those resources will have to be redirected to ensure the safety of the President during his visit when it could and should be used to further the recovery process. Of course if the President didn’t travel down to the area, he would be blasted for not showing concern and being uncaring.