Dave was lunching with his boy Harry the other day. He asks his son, "Will you always be my little boy?" Harry responds, "Go away!" Daddy asks, "Where should I go?" Harry responds, "Kitchen!" "And do what?" Dave asks. The boy charges, "Clean up."

It's time to put away the Late Show Bear. Safety first, you know. Doing the honors tonight is our cameraman, Al Cialino. We cut to the basement to view the battle. From the cameraman's POV, we see the bear being forced back into his den. Paul Shaffer gives commentary, observing how not only is the cameraman putting away the bear, he is doing it while holding camera on his shoulder. Multi-tasking of the highest order, and something his union rep may want to talk to him about. I don't think putting away a bear in hyperphagia was included in the last negotiated contract.
Sponsoring the Late Show Bear tonight: Bob's Big Boy Restaurant. "Big Boy, makes you say 'Oh, Boy!'" Hey, for $1,000, Dave is willing to add the tag line.

Dave revisits his conversation with Harry. "Go away!" Dave follows with, "Have you been talking to mommy?"

LATE SHOW WEEK IN REVIEW
1. Apple unveiled a new version of its popular Ipod this week. It's by far the most revolutionary Ipod yet. Dave demonstrates the new added attraction. Not only is it an Ipod, it doubles as a peppermill. Dave twists the Ipod and fresh-cracked pepper is dispensed.

2. This week scientist announced they have found conclusive proof which confirms Darwin's theory of evolution. The fascinating claim was publicized in this announcement.
Announcer:

"Through a comprehensive analysis, scientists have confirmed that the genetic structure of chimps is 96% identical to that of humans. And to further bolster their contention that chimps and humans are related, researchers offer this compelling evidence." We see a split screen of a chimp and Regis. "The National Human Genome Research Institute. Chimps. It's what we do."

4. In his weekly address this week, Pope Benedict XVI said Catholics should have more babies. He's concerned about shrinking populations in some countries, so he's doing everything he can to encourage people to start families. Watch.
Announcer:

"To fight the population decline faced by many countries, Pope Benedict XVI is encouraging Catholics to have more babies. But he understands that many couples are too busy and stressed to start families, which is why he's released, 'Pope Benedict XVI's Sexiest Slow Jams.' This collection of silky-smooth R&B will have you fruitful and multiplying in no time, as you and your spouse groove to the soulful sounds of Marvin Gaye, Al Jarreau, and the Pope's slammin' duet with James Brown. 'Pope Benedict XVI's Sexiest Slow Jams': now available in stores everywhere."

"This fall on ABC, Geena Davis stars in 'Commander In Chief,' a new show about the first woman to sit behind the Oval Office desk. . . well, not counting . . . " (cut to photo of Monica Lewinsky) "ABC - still the one."

And that was our week in review.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a Babolat Tennis Racket --- the one Andy Roddick uses, even though he lost in the first round of the U.S. Open. Babolat? What's a Babolat? It's a brand of tennis racket. The kind used by Andy Roddick. What's it made out of? Graphite. Well, since it is made out of graphite, Paul is going to side with "sink." Once Paul said "graphite" and "sink," Dave considered that option but went with float. I thought this one was kind of easy. The Late Show models drop the . . . OH, hold it. Kiva, the Grinder Girl can't be here tonight. She's still at the Burning Man Festival in Nevada, a festival to celebrate alternative lifestyles. Dave wishes he could go and have some fun at an alternative lifestyle festival but he's attached to his desk like so many of us are. There's nothing alternative about that. Filling in for the Grinder Girl is the Late Show Bear. His talent obviously isn't in hula hoops, as he tries his best to twirl. He was unsuccessful in his bid and I was a bit disappointed in his effort.
Oh, yeah. The girls dropped the racket and it floated.

TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New Teacher
#8. "Anybody need lottery tickets or cigarettes?"
#4. "Today you'll be dissecting the person sitting next to you."
#1. "Show of hands --- who has a single, slutty mom?"

Dave blames the lull in the show on the Babolat. Even the lull had a lull.
Babolat - named after Pierre babolat. It's been around since the 1870's. Who knew?

D.L. HUGHLEY: The host of the brand new, "Weekends at the D.L." I guess our show could be called, "Weeknights with the D.L." D.L. is a dad whose daughter just went to college. Ooooh, my sympathies to D.L. D.L. never went to college. Now his daughter and money are. One daughter. Lots of money. Lots. He's not that upset about the cost since he knows his son won't be using any of his college fund. D.L. is very proud of his daughter. "She's so smart I think she's Asian." D.L. and the family went on a cruise recently down to the Islands. He has a theory. There is only one island. Must be. All the islands look exactly alike. At night, the boat pulls out and then pulls right back in. In the morning, the vacationers are told they are in a new port.
Jamie Oliver is on later in the show. Does D.L. like to cook? No. His wife likes to cook. D.L. and his wife like different things. She likes to cook. He likes porn. D.L. says there's nothing wrong with porn. "It's just a love story with all the words taken out."
His new show, "Weekends at the D.L." can be seen on the Comedy Central Friday and Saturday at 11:00 PM. Guests get to drink wine and smoke cigars. Viewers are invited to do the same.

JAMIE OLIVER: He's the Naked Chef and the author of two books, "The Naked Chef" and "The Naked Chef Takes Off." He's involved in helping homeless kids and kids in trouble get involved in the restaurant business. He puts them to work and he's found 80% of the kids eventually graduate and stay in the restaurant business. It's very successful. What happens if you go in to one of his restaurants and you don't like the food? Jamie yells, "What do you expect? You knew what you were getting into! They're all criminals!" Very funny. I wasn't expecting that. He's also involved in changing the menu in all the schools in England. The offerings were your basic fatty burgers and fries and junk food. He's led the effort to replace that food with good nutritious food, and it's working. Not only are the kids eating better, they're also behaving better. Dave asks, "Do you know Kraft? They make a macaroni and cheese all in one box that is out of this world!" Jamie wants no part of it. With concern, he exclaims, "It'll put me out of business!"

ACT 5: It's time for another installment of 'Late Show Interactive,' sponsored by Bell Laboratories. Scratch the blue dot on your screen and see if you can identify the familiar fragrance. Did you get it? That's right, it's cream of corn soup. This has been the Late Show Interactive, brought to you, as always, by Bell Laboratories. Keep it real.

WEEZER: From their new CD, "Make Believe," Weezer performed "Beverly Hills." I found myself out in the back of the audience for the performance and it rocked! I think that's what the teens say. Loud and good. I liked it. During the close of the show, Dave reveals that in the early days, Weezer was known as Tweezer, but the "T" fell off the marquee and ever since they've been known as Weezer.

And that was our show for September 8, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

It looked like a Friday show, didn't it? It sure did. That's because it was supposed to be. On Friday, all the television networks and a number of the cable channels are broadcasting a benefit concert from 8:00-9:00 PM EST for those in need from Hurricane Katrina, called "Shelter From the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast." We wanted to be part of that effort. Unfortunately, we tape our Friday shows earlier in the week and the show we were to broadcast for this Friday wouldn't reflect the fundraising effort. So it was decided that the extra show we taped earlier in the week for Friday would be used for Thursday and the Thursday-taped show would be used for Friday. This way, on Friday's show you will see Dave speak of the relief effort and the call for donations. Phone numbers and website addresses will appear throughout the show asking for your help and generosity.

Gas today cost me $3.12 a gallon in New Jersey at a Citgo station. Mobil and Exxon just 100 feet away were selling gas at $3.29 a gallon. My 10 gallons at Citgo saved me $1.70. Going further into Jersey, I found gas at $3.09 at a Shell, but there was a huge Domino pizza truck trying to pull in and blocked my entry. I grew impatient and drove off to Citgo. My impatience cost me 30 cents.
If gas cost $3 a gallon and my car gets 30 miles to the gallon, every 10 miles of driving would cost me a buck.

Blame is flying all over the place over the weak response and poor preparation for the onslaught of Hurricane Katrina. To listen to Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, and President Bush, you would think they were playing a game of "Not It!" Can't you picture them in a room and someone asks, "OK, which one of you is to blame for this debacle? One, two, three. . ." They each then cry out, "NOT IT!" Just then, Michael Brown walks in.
And now this morning . . . I haven't read the newspapers yet . . . I've heard FEMA director Michael Brown lied on his resume. Oh, boy, this is going to get good. Good and ugly.