STUMP THE BAND: It's something we borrowed from Johnny Carson which we promise to return as soon as we're done with it. Apparently, Paul received the wrong memo since he was prepared to play Carnac. Paul holds a sealed envelope up to his forehead and reads the answer to the question inside.
Paul: "Katrina and Monica." He then rips opens the envelope.
Paul: "Name two large blowers that ruined a Presidency."
Time to play America's Fastest Growing Music Sensation.

#1. Stephanie Cooper of Denver, Colorado: Oh, Denver, the mile high city. Dave asks Stephanie how many feet in a mile? She says with confidence, 5,280. DING! How many of you would have gotten that right? I would have either said 5,280 or 5,820, then settled on 5,280. And that's how we play "How Many Feet In A Mile?" What song does Stephanie have for us? "Gray Squirrel." I was worried the band wouldn't have anything for this and was relieved when Tom Bones Malone stepped forward with his claim of familiarity of "Gray Squirrel." He learned it by playing in Woody Herman's band years back.

"Gray Squirrel
You know he ain't no putz
Grey Squirrel
He knows that winter sucks
Grey Squirell
He's warmin'
up his nuts
Grey Squirrel."

#2. Ron Daum of Portland, Oregon: Beautiful town, Portland. Ron teaches theater at a college in Vancouver. Ron's song: "Washington Twist." Bruce Kapler immediately raises his hand. He knows the song.
(to the tune of "Peppermint Twist)

"They got a new dance
And it goes like this
And the politicians call it
The Washington Twist
Take all the facts
Put them in a list
Now Spin
Spin
Now twist
That list
The Washington Twist."

Dave takes a moment to talk to Vicki, the lovely woman who dispenses the gifts during Stump the Band. I was embarrassed for her when she mistakenly referred to Dave Letterman as "Mr. Cosby." During the conversation, she asked Dave about a bevy of Mexican dishes, and I don't mean Salma Hayek.

#3. Alvin Hurt of Cincinnati, Ohio. Great town, Cincinnati. Dave asks Alvin if he came right out of gym class. Alvin is dressed in a T-Shirt, shorts, and sneaks. Dave asks Alvin how the Cincinnati Reds did this year. A disappointed Alvin says not so good. Dave then recites nearly the entire starting lineup of the 1975 Big Red Machine. "Joe Mogan, Pete Rose, Lee May, Davy Concepcion, Tony Perez, Johnny Bench . . . and how about that Pedro Borbon out of the bullpen!" I smiled, impressed at Dave's knowledge of the finest team of the 2nd half of the 20th Century. The only name I questioned was Lee May. Yes, I picture him as a 1st baseman on the Reds, but Tony Perez was the 1st baseman. GOOGLE TIME!
Lee May was an All-Star in 1971, hitting a career high of 39 home runs. He was traded the next year. Huh? He was traded to the Houston Astros, with others, for Joe Morgan, and others, including Jack Billingham and Cesar Geronimo. Lee May missed out on the glory years of the Big Red Machine. Now back to our show. Alvin's song: "Something In My Pocket"
I missed who sang the song for the band as I was looking up Cincinnati Reds stuff on the computer.
The song from the band:

"I've got something in my pocket
That's why you're looking at me so dreamy
Might be a necklace or a locket
Or are you just glad to see me?"

Back from commercial, Dave holds up a printout of a Pedro Borbon baseball card. He has a son, Pedro Borbon, Jr. playing pro ball, flipping back and forth between the Majors and the Minors, I believe.

Dave billboards tonight's guests, mentioning Australian Rules Football player Brett Backwell who had broken his finger and had it removed. Most would have had it fixed; he had it removed.
Also on our show tonight, Sheryl Crow. And she brought along someone very interesting. Dave introduces Lance Armstrong! Lance rides his bike out on stage and back through the back of the house. It looks as if Lance may be enjoying retirement a bit too much.

LATE SHOW BEAR: It's time. The bear must be put away. OSHA rules. Putting away the bear tonight: Graphics Technician, Ron McGugins. The large Mr. McGugins makes easy work of the Late Show Bear, delivering body blows and sound effects to the hyperphagic beast. In no time, the bear is put away . . . then the bear returns! We see that it isn't a real bear at all, but simply a stagehand in a bear costume. The stagehand, Tommy O'Brien is holding the bear head under his arm.
Late Show Bear:

"Hi, I'm Tommy O'Brien, the man inside the bear suit. We've had a lot of fun with the late show Bear, but in real life, bears are extremely dangerous. If you encounter a rabid grizzly bear in your basement, don't try to put it away yourself --- you'll get your nuts torn off. Call your local animal control office. They know how to give a bear a good beat-down. Thanks, and have a great autumn."

Tonight, the Late Show Bear was wearing an Explod-O-Pop T-Shirt. Explod-O-Pop, America's only atomic popping corn. It's contaminated with flavor!"

A Vicar in England has come out with a Bible that can be read in 100 minutes. Well, America has done better than that. We have the 5-Second Bible! And it's on tape! We give it a listen: "Eve ate apple. Big Trouble. Lord born in manger. Don't covet neighbor's wife. He rose on Easter."
An impressed Dave says, "Wow, old and new testament!

Dell released their portable music player earlier this week to take on Apple's wildly popular IPod, but still their stock price sank lower. Dave believes he knows why. We see a commercial.
Announcer:

"Dell is proud to announce their new DJ Ditty portable music player which at $99 is a lot cheaper than Apple's IPod. This handy new device can play up to 220 songs, as long as they're all 'Summer Breeze' by Seals and Crofts. The new Dell DJ Ditty. In stores now."

TERI HATCHER: She's one of the desperate housewives on "Desperate Housewives." I can't believe its only been on one season. Quite an impact on the pop culture in so short of time. How did the 1st season cliffhanger end in? As I'm sure you know, Teri was being held hostage at gunpoint at the end of Season 1. We had to wait the whole summer to find out what happened. And we still have to wait since the 2nd season debut doesn't come until this Sunday. Continuity aficionados will have a lot of fun when they compare Teri Hatcher Season 1 Held Hostage toTeri Hatcher Season 2 Held Hostage. She had a lot of fun in the sun this summer and came back relaxed and tanned. So even though it's the same scene, picking up right where they left off, Teri is now tanner. "Desperate Housewives" fans may wonder how she got a tan during the same scene.
Teri and the gang were at the Emmy Awards Sunday night but unfortunately, Teri lost in her category . . . but I'm sure it was a thrill just to be nominated. Her co-star Felicity Huffman won, also beating out co-star Marcia Cross. After the Awards, the three rushed over to the TV Guide Party. All invited guests who go to the party got a free flat-screen TV! Oooh, that's the best kind of TV . . . . no, I don't mean a flat-screen...I mean a free one. Teri admits to staying only a short time at the TV Guide Party but was delighted to find she got a free TV anyway!
Teri and her daughter went on an African safari this summer. She was afraid it was going to be nothing more than a visit to the San Diego Zoo. But it was so much more than that. She saw all the animals she would see at the Zoo, but had the added pleasure of seeing a lion eating a wildebeest. And she saw 2 leopards mating. I wonder if pets get together and talk about the same thing? "I saw my owners doin' it last night." Was it rough camping out in the wild on the safari? No, not at all. "We stayed at a 5-Star Lodge," says Teri.
"Desperate Housewives" - Sundays at 9:00 on ABC.

BRETT BACKWELL: He's an Australian Rules Football player. He went to an extreme to prolong his career. After a quick education of the rules of Australian football, we learn what he did to keep playing. After breaking and dislocating the ring finger of his left hand time and time again, Brett decided to fix it once and for all: He had it chopped off. He joked about doing it at first, but then it started making sense to him. The doctors were reluctant at first, but when they realized a payment would be involved, they jumped at the chance. Off went the finger. Brett still had is bandaged but it was obvious the ring finger was missing. It reminded me of Andy DelRegno, my friend's father. He chopped off the ends of two fingers cleaning out the grass of a moving lawn mower.

ACT 5: "This is a Late Show Reminder. If you have a reminder you would like featured on an upcoming Late Show Reminder, send a reminder reminding us about your reminder to:
Late Show Reminder
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019.

Just a reminder, that address again is:
Late Show Reminder
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019.

Who knows? Maybe your reminder will be featured on an upcoming Late Show reminder and you can remind your family and friends to check out your reminder! This has been a Late Show Reminder. Keep it real!"

Before introducing Sheryl Crow, we find Dave with a pad and pencil busily crunching numbers. He's feverishly adding numbers and dividing and carrying the ones. Paul asks, "Dave, what are you doing?" Dave says, "I'm just figuring out what it costs us for a round-trip ticket from Australia.

SHERYL CROW: From her soon to be released CD, "Wildflower," Sheryl Crow performed "Good is Good." It was good.

Before saying goodnight, Dave says, "I wonder what he would have done if he suffered a series of groin injuries?"

And that was our show for Thursday, September 22, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Next year, Monday Night Football will be carried by ESPN. FOX and CBS will still have the Sunday afternoon games. Sunday night games will be on NBC. That means ABC will be out of the football business . . . just like the San Francisco 49ers.

I'm watching highlights of the Cleveland Indian/Chicago White Sox game last week and a Chisox player hits a game-winning homerun in the 10th inning. The very happy player circles the bases and his team runs out onto the field to greet him. Fireworks are set off. As the player makes his heroic trot around the bases, a moment that a player may experience maybe 2 or 3 times in his life, the director decides to cut away from the moment to show us the exploding fireworks. Gosh, the fireworks were so exciting. Thank you, Mr. Director. As I was seated in my lounge chair, you must have heard me scream, "Show me the fireworks! Show me the fireworks!" I bet it was only the two of us who wanted to see fireworks at that moment. Thanks again.
The above had nothing to do with baseball; it had to do with the televising of baseball.

Don't forget, Wally Henneberry is tomorrow's cameo mention!

Congratulations to Helen Read. I read something of hers in the Letterman newsgroup. She suspected something was up about Tuesday's Top Ten.

TOP TEN: Leftover Top Ten Entries
#10. "Can I swim in it?"
#9. "Will my identical twin brother be offended?"
#8. "Will this get me on Oprah?"
#7. "Can I get the first shot at Bob Denver's face?" (the audience laugh followed by a groan brought Dave great satisfaction.)
#6. "What would Jacko do?"
#5. "Will this affect my hat size?"
#4. "What if the salesman pressures me to pay for undercoating?"
#3. "Would it be easier to just get a haircut?"
#2. "They mean 'Guinea Pig' in a good way, right?"
#1. "Will it fall off when I sneeze."

From the newsgroup, Helen wrote about the Top Ten:

"I liked it; it reminded me of some of the more abstract categories from yesteryear. I wonder, though, if the category was originally meant to be something else. If not, why were all the entries questions?"