Dave was watching the X-Games this weekend on either ABC or ESPN and highly recommends it. You have your same Olympics every 4 years, your major sports really don’t change much from year to year, but the X-Games, now there’s some entertainment. Dave’s point? He forgot.

Big full-page ad in Sunday’s New York Times Travel Section of Paul touting the Toronto Summer Music in the Garden series. The ad was put out by the Toronto Tourism board. Paul is quoted in the full-pager that when he was a lad, he would go to parts of Toronto and experience the wonderful rock and blues and soul music the city had to offer. And it made all the difference in the world.

It’s time to put away the LATE SHOW Bear. Tonight, the honor goes to Talent Coordinator, Brian Teta. This was the most physical confrontation yet as Brian battled mightily with the burly beast. After a long struggle, Brian relaxed for just a second to regain his breath and composure. That’s all the LATE SHOW Bear needed to turn the tables and whisk the coordinator into his lair. The door slams as the Bear and Teta disappear. Blood-curdling screams are heard from behind the door, and those screams were not coming from a bear. Poor Brian Teta had so much future ahead of him. And just like that, he’s gone. After the show, there was a line of interns with resumes in hand outside the executive producers’ door. Hey, it’s the nature of the business. There is no time for grieving when there is a show to put on.

Dave tried to ease the tension in the audience by reassuring, “I’m sure he’s fine. He just got the wind knocked out of him.”

ABC has begun production of an epic television movie about the life of Pope John Paul II. Dave is interested in the television movie but wonders a bit about the title: “Have No Fear.” Is that an appropriate title for a movie about the Pope? Once Dave saw the coming attractions, he realized it was. Announcer, in an exciting, death-defying roar:

“Coming to ABC this fall. Find out the true story behind history’s most fearless Pope in . . . ‘Have No Fear: The Life of Pope John Paul II!’ From his thrill-seeking youth (VT of kid jumping off dirt pile). . . to his tutelage under the world’s greatest Kung-Fu master, Kwai Ling (karate shots). . . to his adrenaline-pumping adulthood! (doing a flip on a dirt bike) ‘Have No Fear: The Life of Pope John Paul II’ . . . it’s gonna be sick!”

Dave is the only one asking “What’s the deal with Osama?” Wasn’t he the number one target 3 years ago? Now he’s not even a blip on the screen. Does anyone know the last time the President said his name? Anyway, last week the #2 man in the Al Qaeda command came out with a video message, and now Osama has too. It explains his whereabouts.

Osama: “Let this serve as a warning to the American people and their infidel allies: Allah is on our side, and with His blessing, we will continue our reign of terror --- just as soon as I get back from my five-week working vacation. The blind sheik and I have a fabulous time-share near the Pakistan border. We’ll be there for the rest of the month, so enjoy your summer and we’ll see you in September. Oh, and death to America.”

Former President Clinton has found a new issue to tackle. Take a look.

Announcer, over photo of Clinton:

“Former President Clinton has announced his new cause will be battling the growing problem of obesity among America’s young people. Clinton says he knows about this issue from personal experience.” (Cut to photo of Monica) “Bubba --- still a dawg!”

Some Quiz Questions:
(Shot of woman applying lotion to child)
“This woman is telling her son:”
A) “You need protection from the sun’s rays”
B) “I’ll put on more after you swim.”
C) “I know it smells funny, but ranch dressing is all we have.”

(Shot of seagull)
“15 minutes later, this seagull was:”
A) a mile down the shore
B) being photographed by beachgoers
C) sold at the snack bar as ‘Clam strips.’

Dave says, “Not a match, the board goes back.” This was a common saying on a game show. I’m not sure which game show but my guess is “Concentration.”

(Shot of guy with strange haircut)
“This young man has a:”
A) quirky hairstyle
B) hip downtown look
C) poisonous jellyfish attached to his scalp

(Shot of woman in Muslim garb)
“This woman is wearing:”
A) UV-protecting sunglasses
B) SPF 30 sunblock
C) A “burqini”

(Shot of guy rubbing lotion on his belly and chest)
“The sad thing about this scene is:”
A) he missed a spot
B) he really needs a higher SPF
C) this is the most action he’s gotten all summer

And that was our Jersey Shore Quiz.

TOP TEN - with sponsor.

Alan: (over footage of a “Cozy Kitty” infomercial)

“Tonight’s Top Ten is brought to you by ‘Cozy Kitty,’ the amazing new heated neck wrap that helps relieve aches and pains from tension and fatigue. All the comfort of a neck wrap and the friendship of a lovable kitty! Here’s how it works . . .”
(cut to Alan holding a “Cozy Kitty”)
“Just heat the Cozy Kitty in the microwave for sixty seconds. Then wrap around your neck. It’s filled with all-natural buckwheat hulls, so heat radiates gently through your neck and shoulders to help reduce neck pain. Hey, but that’s not all. I’ve got one in my pants right now.”
(widen shot to see a Cozy Kitty head sticking out from Alan’s zipper)
“’Cozy Kitty!’ A $60 value, just $14.99. You’ll feel Purrrrrrr-fect in no time. Now back to you, Dave.”

To close the Top Ten - Alan: “This Top Ten list has been brought to you by Cozy Kitty, the first name in kitty-shaped items you heat in a microwave and wrap around your neck. Now back to you, Dave.”

KATE HUDSON: Kate is the mom of a 19-month old and mom, dad, and the little one have been touring with the Black Crowes this summer. Kate is married to lead singer, Chris Robinson. The son loves traveling with the band and has picked up some new words since the tour began, words like “tattoo.” Will it be OK for sonny boy to get a tattoo if he wants? Kate says not until he’s 18. Up to that time, it’s “under my roof, under my rules.” Tattoo is taboo. We have Michelle Wie on later in the show; is Kate an athlete? Kate says she was quite the soccer player when she was in school, good enough to get some offers from colleges. Kate stars in this Friday’s release of The Skeleton Key. It’s a scary thriller, the kind I always made sure to see back when I went to movies. We see a clip and Dave says he thinks he knows how it ends. With glee he gives away what he believes to be the ending: “It was all a dream!” Kate keeps mum, but a proud Dave is quite sure of himself, “It was all a dream!”

IT’S A FACT, WITH GEORGE CLARKE.
George: “Drinking and lawn darts don’t mix . . . . it’s a fact.” George points at the camera when he says “it’s a fact.” His arm has been lacerated with a lawn dart. His arm is a bloodied mess.

ACT 5: “I’m Alan Kalter and it’s time for the Late Show’s Website of the Week.
Ever wondered what you’d do in the case of a water main break or power-outage? Well if you live in New York City it’s easier than ever to plan ahead for this kind of emergency. Just visit the New York City office of emergency management online at:
https://www.nyc.gov/portal/index.jsp?epi_menuItemID=03d6517e20
6411428a37472361c789a0&epi_menuID=27579af732d
48f86a62fa24601c789a0&epi_baseMenuID=27579a732d48f86a62
fa24601c789a0.
This has been the Late Show’s Website of the week. Keep it real, America.”

MICHELLE WIE: (pronounced Wee) She’s only 15 and she’s golfing with the big boys! And she’s tall, almost Dave’s height. Who is Michelle Wie?
- at 13, she was the youngest golfer to win an adult USGA event.
- at 13, she became the youngest US Women’s Amateur Public Links Champion in 2003.
- She is the first woman to qualify for a USGA championship for men.
- At 12, she was the youngest woman to qualify for an LPGA event. As a pro, you have to be 18 to join the LPGA tour.
- At 14, she was the youngest player ever to play in a men’s PGA Tour event in 2004.

Michelle started playing golf when she was 4 years old. The most fun she had on the golf course was driving her parents around in the golf cart. What makes Michelle so special? Of course she is a phenomenal golfer, but what makes her really stand out is her drives. She can put it 310-320 yards, right up there with the men. She’ll be working on increasing her muscle to put it out there even farther, keeping in mind the need for her to retain her flexibility and rhythm in her swing. A goal of Michelle’s is to eventually play in the Masters, the ultimate event in golf. At 15, she is well on her way. Dave laughs when he realizes that at 15, she can’t even drive herself to golf tournaments. Ahh, Michelle is a typical teen when she blurts, “But I do have my Permit.”

Michelle hasn’t yet turned pro but obviously that is in the near future. Will there be increased pressure once she turns pro? Michelle says there won’t be any added pressure, explaining, “I love playing for money!” I laughed. Sometimes the simplest answer makes the most sense.

And that was our show for Monday August 8, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I had mixed feelings about the Jersey Shore Quiz. I thought it was pretty funny but the sad part is I should be there right now. The family is on vacation down in Lavallette, New Jersey, about 15 minutes south of Point Pleasant. Monday morning I took the train from Bay Head to Manhattan, a near 2-hour trip. I may drive down one more time during the week, and then drive down again on Thursday night to finish the week. Due to my travels, your Wahoos may be a bit short this week. (I’m sure that’s not the first time a lot of you guys have heard that.)

The results are in from the 9th race at Philadelphia Park, August 6th.
Tani Maru
Letterman’s Humor
Russian Bay
Legal Control
From a website I forgot to credit:

Tani Maru Rolls to President's Cup at Philly

Donald and Adam Newman's Tani Maru gained command with about a half mile to go and galloped home to a convincing 9 3/4-length victory in Saturday's $97,000 Larry Riviello President's Cup at Philadelphia Park.

It was the second victory of the year for the 3-year-old son of Cherokee Run, who was ridden by Harry Vega, and his second stakes win.

Scratches reduced the field to just four runners and all four broke well. They headed into the first turn lined up across the track. Jockey Tony Black, stuck with the outside post aboard Letterman's Humor, wanted the lead but Vega had the inside post with Tani Maru and decided he would not let Black control the pace.

The two battled for the first half-mile before Tani Maru took control.

By the three-eighths pole, it was three-quarters of a length and, when they reached the quarter pole, a clear 1 1/2 lengths, and the race was soon over. The margin had reached almost ten by the time they hit the wire.

Trained by Thomas Bush and off as a slight 7-5 betting favorite, Tani Maru returned $4.80 and $2.60 to win. Letterman's Humor returned $3.20. Russian Bay finished third. The final time for the one mile and seventy yards was 1:43.4.

Interesting conversation around the office the other day. I really don’t know how the topic came up but we were discussing whether people wash their feet when taking a shower. It was just about 50/50. I was on the side of the /50. How about you? Do you wash your feet when taking a shower? I’d like to know.

Gotta go. I’m running on little sleep, I’m taking the bus home, and I have to attend a Town Board Meeting. I think tonight is the big vote on paving the rail-trail or not.