Hey! Dave’s talking about the Rod Stewart billboard on 52nd and Broadway. I first mentioned this billboard, up since July of 2004 to promote an upcoming concert, back in December 2004. Bob Borden, on his website, mentioned it a month or two before me. In fact, I wrote about it in yesterday’s Wahoo. And now Dave is talking about it. The billboard can be seen from Dave’s office and he’s been looking at it for nearly a year and a half now. Every day, there it is. Rod Stewart. Concert in Jones Beach. July 23 and 24 . . . . . 2004. And still it remained a year-and-a-half later. Whoever owns the billboard, I think someone needs a nudge in the sales department. We see a shot of the Rod Stewart billboard. There’s Rod, tie undone, looking a bit beat but ready to “rock” you . . . or entertain you with some standards. It was a year-and-a-half ago. . . I’m not sure what phase he was in then. Anyway, Dave’s getting tired of Mr. Stewart looking down into his office every day.

Dave mentions that Beyonce Knowles is on the program tonight. Before the show, Dave and Paul had a talk in the dressing room about “Bootylicious.” Paul thought Beyonce coined the phrase. Dave thought he did. Hopefully, this will be cleared up during the interview.

Dave’s been around a long time but there is something he doesn’t quite understand. Have you heard about the new top secret Elmo doll that is going to be unveiled this week at the Toy Fair here in New York? Dave was able to get his hands on one of the Elmos and has it here to show. He holds up the boxed doll . . . and it’s Hamas Elmo. Is that really a good idea? I think Sesame Street oughta take a closer look at their marketing department.

The 48th Annual Grammy Awards are Wednesday night, right here on CBS, and in honor of that festive occasion, we have invited the 1999 Nobel Prize winner in Economics, Professor Robert Mundell, to recite the lyrics to some of the Grammy-nominated songs.

Professor Robert Mundell enters. From the Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group category, the Professor recites the lyrics to “Don’t Phunk With My Heart” by the Black Eyed Peas.

“Girl, you had me, once you kissed me.
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I’ll play Bobby and you’ll play Whitney
If you smoke, I’ll smoke too
That’s how much I’m in love with you.”

GEORGE W. BUSH: WHAT?! – This is a popular piece on our show and lucky for us, the material is limitless. From a January 12th speech in Mississippi:
Bush – “There are SBA loans for this. And I understand for some the word ‘SBA’ means ‘slow . . . . . bureaucratic . . . . paperwork.’” Huh?

More from Professor Robert Mundell:
The category: Best Female Pop Vocal Performance – Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl”

“Let me hear you say, this ‘djoy’ is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This ‘djoy’ is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Again, this ‘djoy’ is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

It’s Tuesday night and we head over to Rupert’s Hello Deli. Dave offers a few pointers on how Rupert can improve his street cred. One suggestion is to use the word “bidness” more. Rupert tries it out. Bidness. I think he’s got it. Very smooth, ‘bidness.’ Dave has known Rupert for about 12 years now and Dave has done a lot to try to improve the ‘bidness’ at the Hello Deli. Dave and the LATE SHOW developed a TV commercial, it was Dave’s idea to give away free hot chocolate in the winter months, and the Slurpee machine turned out to be a license to print money. What has Rupert done to improve business? Beside the T-shirt business, err, bidness, Rupert’s has hawked some mugs for $8 +. Well, tonight, Dave has something special for Rupert. He has Rupert tell Mae that he has to go away for a few minutes and can she watch the store. Dave directs Rupert to the corner of 53rd and Broadway and look towards the Rod Stewart billboard that once stood above 52nd and Broadway. The billboard now is draped in white. Once Rupert is positioned and looking towards the draped billboard, Dave signals for the curtain to be dropped from the billboard. And behind the drape we see the new billboard. It is Rupert, looking much like the Rod Stewart pose, advertising his Hello Deli. Ta da! Rupert is amazed and speechless. I thought he was going to tear-up for a second. There he is, Rupert high above Broadway, a billboard advertising his Hello Deli. The crowds will be pouring in to the deli on 53rd, between 8th and B’way. I hope Rupert has enough mugs to meet the demand.

It was a very nice moment for Mr. Jee.

Back from commercial, another Grammy-nominated song from Professor Robert Mundell.
The Category: Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
“1, 2 Step” by Ciara.

“I shake it like jello
And make the boys say hello.
I’m 5 foot 2,
I wanna dance with you
And I’m sophisticated fun,
I eat filet mignon.”

Immediately after “1, 2 Step,” Dave is interrupted by a belligerent Private Eye detective. The beefy and gruff detective appears behind Dave.
Detective: “Surprise, Letterman! I’m still alive. Guess your mama never taught you ‘don’t send a boy to do a man’s job.’
Dave is confused, not knowing who this man is. Suddenly, a little kitty cat jumps from a pocket inside the man’s coat. This of course brings much laughter to the host.
The detective picks up the cat and holds it. He continues. “I’m the fat slob who’s gonna put your Brazilian ass behind bars!”
Dave turns and says to Paul and the audience, “His coat came open and I saw a fuzzy little animal pop out of his pants.” Dave then asks the detective, “Why do you have a cat in your pants?”
The detective thinks for a moment and replies, “It seemed like a fun thing to do.”
The detective then goes back to script: “That’s right, Rico. I know all about your romantic weekend in Acapulco! Lying on the beach watching a glorious sunset, you gave her diamonds, flowers . . . . cyanide!” (sting music from Paul)
The detective has more: “There’s still something I don’t understand. You said you couldn’t have possibly killed the cat breeder because you’re allergic to cats. Well, maybe you can explain why I found this in your condo.”
The detective holds up the kitty cat he has been holding. I laughed at his presentation.
Detective: “You may have nine lives, princess, but you’re gonna be spending all of ‘em behind bars!” The detective exits laughing.

Very funny. I was half-hoping the cat would do something like that, though I didn’t tell anyone. It worked in rehearsal but I could sense the possibility of trouble.

TOP TEN: Slogans for the New Sex Soda – there is a new soft drink about to hit the market which claims to sexually arouse the person drinking it. It is called “Turn On” and is currently available online for $3.50 a can.
#8. “Goes Down Nice and Easy. . . . Just Like You.”
#4. “Why not put a kitty in your pants.”
#1. “Get it in the can.”

BEYONCE KNOWLES – during the interview, we heard that we needed another Grammy-nominated song for Professor Mundell. Back in the shake we began flying through the internet and making calls to research and the writers to look for another song. Because of this, I missed the whole Beyonce interview. My ears did pick up that she did coin the phrase “bootylicious”, which means “Beautiful, bountiful, bouncable.” It’s even in the dictionary now.
Beyonce is also nominated for 6 Grammy Awards and right after the show she’s flying out to the Staples Center in Los Angeles.
Beyonce was here as an actress tonight to promote her new film, The Pink Panther, starring Steve Martin. It opens Friday.

And as a special treat, Professor Robert Mundell reciting the lyrics to “Bootylicious.”

“I snake my jelly at every chance,
When I whip with my hips you slip into a trance.
I’m hoping you can handle all this jelly that I have
Now let’s cut a rug while we scat some jazz.
I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.
I don’t think you’re ready for this
Cause my body too bootylicious for ya, babe.”

STEPHEN A. SMITH: I missed a lot of this, too, as I was making sure cue cards included Professor Robert Mundell and Gwen, the cat in the ‘Thank you’s.” Stephen was here back in December soon after the San Diego Chargers defeated the Indianapolis Colts for their first loss of the season. Dave sensed a bad vibe and thought the Chargers discovered a weakness in the previously undefeated Colts that other teams would capitalize on. Stephen assured Dave that the Colts would right themselves and make it to the Super Bowl and then win it all, especially if they could avoid the New England Patriots along the way. Things didn’t quite work out that way.
Stephen then questioned why the Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt would come on and kick a 46-yard field goal on 53rd Street just a few days after missing it against the Steelers in the playoff game? S.A.S. thought it would have been better if he missed it here too.
Dave and Stephen then touched upon the Super Bowl, the referees, the New York Knicks (yipes!), Kobe Bryant, and Stephen’s college basketball playing days. Was Stephen good? He thinks so. Unfortunately, he blew out his knee his freshman year and that pretty much ended any NBA future he may have had. Attending Winston-Salem State University also has a way of ending any NBA future he had.
Can he still play the game? Stephen says he can still play with the best of them . . . but only for about a half-hour. After that, age starts banging against his heart and lungs. It happens to all of us.
Stephen A. Smith – on ESPN2's Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith – New time, weeknights at 11:00 PM.

And that was our show for Tuesday February 7, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Maybe it’s just me, but I remember watching American Idol from years back and the judges Simon/Paula/Randy always had the Coca Cola logo on their cups facing out toward the camera. Now the Coca Cola logo is facing any which way. I wonder if Coca Cola is going to “suggest” they keep an eye on this.

I woke on the sofa the other night just as Spider-Man 2 had started on HBO. I’m not much of a fan of the superheroes, but this one I found interesting. Good movie.

Next year I’m hoping that February 7, 2007 will be show number 2707. A man can dream, can’t he?

Jalen Rose is now officially a New York Knick. In his second game as a Knickerbocker last night, Jalen and the Knicks were down by one point with two seconds left in the game. Jalen was set to inbound the ball. The game was on the line. The Knicks had to convert in order to avoid another loss. Jalen is handed the ball. He looks to inbound . . . . and he doesn’t inbound the ball within the allotted 5 seconds. Ball goes to the Clippers. Turnover. Oops. And on top of not getting the ball in, when the 5-second limit approached, he instead tried to call a timeout that the Knicks did not have. (Hello, fellow Fab 5 Chris Weber). He could have been called for a technical foul. Anyway, welcome to the New York Knicks, Jalen. You’ll fit right in. And of course, Jalen took no blame for any of the above.

Hey, horseracing fans, Letterman’s Humor is racing the 8th race this Thursday at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale, Florida. He’ll be saddled as the #8 horse and will be ridden by Juan Leyva. Odds to be determined.
1 1/8 mile turf track.
Purse: $37,000.
For four year olds and upward which have never won three races other than maiden, claiming or starter or which have never won four races.
Here’s your chance to win back your Super Bowl losses.

I’m listening to CNN last Thursday and they were warning about a computer virus that was set to strike at midnight. The woman on CNN adds that if your computer clock is set ahead, the virus may have already struck. And so that made me think, if a virus is set to strike at a certain time and day, why not set your computer clock to the year 3006 instead of 2006? You’d be safe for another 1000 years. No? Wouldn’t this safeguard your computer from any virus set to strike at a certain time and day?