". . . and now, America's Favorite Daredevil . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
All night tonight we have our stage manager Biff Henderson up on the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater office building putting together patio furniture consisting of a table and chairs. Biff isn't confident he can complete the task. The weather is perfect for some patio furniture. Biff gets started while we get back to the show.

The Reagan Diaries: another excerpt. This one is about Reagan's attraction to Robert Bork's beard.

Back to Biff. Biff is already well underway to successfully assembling the patio furniture.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see Bush offering, "need a ride back?"

ACT 2
During the pre-show Q&A, someone asked Dave if he tried to balance an egg on the Summer Solstice. He hadn't, but it's a good idea on how to kill a few minutes. Dave has a carton of eggs on his desk and tries to balance an egg on this end. Can't do it. He tries again . . . no good. He tries again . . . he's got zots. It ain't happening. Of course, when Dave has a carton of eggs at his desk, no one is safe. He has to throw one at somebody; something. He finally finds a "volunteer": Tom "Bones" Malone and his saxophone. Dave throws into the waiting saxophone. And we get to see that again in slo-mo instant replay.

Back to Biff: Hey, he's almost done! That's not supposed to happen. He's not supposed to be able to accomplish this at all. He's supposed to end up disheveled and confused, but Biff is getting r' done!

And now it's time for the Late Show Fun Facts.

-AMERICANS GENERATE 20% OF THE WORLD'S GARBAGE
-AN OYSTER CAN CHANGE ITS GENDER
-IN THIS COUNTRY, EVERY YEAR SURGICAL TOOLS ARE LEFT IN APPROXIMATELY 1,500 PATIENTS
-IN SOME PARTS OF WYOMING, IT'S LEGAL TO HUNT THE ELDERLY
-IT TAKES THE AVERAGE GIRAFFE TWO YEARS TO FULLY RECOVER FROM A SORE THROAT
-TO ENSURE PROMPT DELIVERY OF E-MAIL, THE POST OFFICE RECOMMENDS AFFIXING A 32-CENT STAMP TO YOUR COMPUTER
-CONTRARY TO THE PHRASE "YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU," MANY THEOLOGIANS BELIEVE THE AFTERLIFE HONORS 401-K ACCOUNTS
-BY 2012, PIZZA HUT HOPES TO FOCUS LESS ON PIZZA SALES AND MORE ON ITS HUT BUSINESS
-AFTER BREAKING HIS PROMISE NOT TO RAISE TAXES, GEORGE H. W. BUSH USED SOME OF THE MONEY TO BUY A DONKEY KONG MACHINE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE
-THE OFFICE WINDOWS WILL BE CLEANED THIS WEEKEND. PLEASE REMOVE ALL ITEMS FROM WINDOWSILLS
-LOU FERRIGNO COMPLAINS THAT YEARS AFTER "HULK" WENT OFF THE AIR, HE'D STILL TURN GREEN WHEN ANGERED
-EACH YEAR, 48 CUSTOMERS ARE ACCIDENTALLY ELECTROCUTED AT A CIRCUIT CITY
-YELLOW HI-LITER IS AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF VITAMIN C
-THE AVERAGE VENDING MACHINE CANDY BAR IS FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS OLD
-THE LARGEST MALL IN THE COUNTRY, THE MALL OF AMERICA, HAS 18 GAP STORES
-ALTHOUGH ALBERT EINSTEIN'S BRAIN WAS PRESERVED AFTER HIS DEATH, IT WAS ACCIDENTALLY THROWN AWAY WHEN MRS. EINSTEIN CLEANED OUT HER PANTRY
-I'LL GO WITH CHARLIE WEAVER TO BLOCK, PETER
-OSCAR MAYER'S WIFE DIVORCED HIM BECAUSE HE ALWAYS CAME HOME SMELLING LIKE BOLOGNA
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM SMUCKERS, TO MILDRED BIRCH OF BOISE, IDAHO, WHO TURNS 103 YEARS YOUNG TODAY
-"WHEEL OF FORTUNE" HAS BEEN RERUNNING THE SAME 12 EPISODES SINCE 1998
-THE STATE MOTTO OF ARIZONA IS "SUCK IT"
-YOU'RE NOT FULLY CLEAN UNLESS YOU'RE ZESTFULLY CLEAN
-CHINA'S REVERED GENERAL TSO WAS KNOWN TO BATTER-FRY HIS ENEMIES IN TANGY ORANGE SAUCE
-THREE OUT OF TEN DOCTORS ADMIT TO LICKING THE TONGUE DEPRESSORS BEFORE USING THEM

And dem da facts.

ACT 3
TOP TEN: Things Overheard In Line to Buy the iPhone.
#8. "Sorry, folks, Apple just announced it's obsolete"

CONGRESSMAN DENNIS KUCINICH: Democratic candidate for President from Ohio. Congressman Kucinich grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, the youngest of 7 children. His parents never owned a home and the family lived in 21 different places, including a few cars. He tells a story of going to Catholic school and being tease for wearing the same old turquoise pants day after day. A nun stopped the teasing and made sure that Dennis and his brothers and sisters had new clothes the very next day. Dennis remembers the lesson he learned that day about the need for compassion and charity towards others. Dennis has been in politics for 40 years and at 31 became the youngest mayor of a major United States city when he was elected in Cleveland. He was just about run out of town when he let the city to default instead of selling its electric-utility company. He laid low for a number of years and almost went broke. 15 years later, his decision in Cleveland was vindicated when it was shown it actually benefited the customers. In 1994, he was elected to the Ohio Senate and is currently in his 6th term.
In the most recent Presidential polls, Kucinich clocks in at 1% but he remains confident. Who does he think will win the Democratic nomination? Kucinich is confident he will win it, always keeping an eye on the prize.
Dave holds up a photo of Kucinch with his wife; a striking woman who towers over the congressman and is years younger. Hey, maybe this guy Kucinich can win the Presidency.

ACT 4
Back from commercial, we see our executive producer Ms. Gaines approaching Dave's desk. She is alerting him that the plate of ribs behind his desk is a mistake. Huh? Dave asks for clarification. She repeats that there is a plate of ribs just to Dave's right, behind the desk, that shouldn't be there. They are a mistake. Dave looks and reveals the nice plate of ribs on a plate. They look delicious. Dave has no idea what the ribs are for, or were for, and can't imagine how or why we would have a stack of ribs behind the desk.
But if it is a mistake, what a great mistake! He exclaims this is the best mistake he's ever been a part of. He bites into a rib from Virgil's down the block. Absolutely delicious. He snacks on some more. This goes on for a few minutes and we never do find out what the ribs were for. We go to the roof to see how Biff is doing. Wow! Biff will be finished with the patio set in no time. He is well on his way. The end is in sight. Ribs and a patio set . . . it all screams "Summer!"

ACT 5
I don't know. Was it ribs? Was it Biff on the roof? I need to go to the videotape.

ACT 6
Back from commercial, we find Dave finishing up his plate of ribs.

SHIA LABEOUF: (Shy-a LaBuff) He's just a kid; 21 years old. He's in the new film, "Transformers," opening July 3rd. The name? Explain? Shia is a Hebrew name meaning "Gift from God." LaBeouf is beef, so Shia believes his name means "Thank God for Beef."
What kind of kid was Shia? He says he came from a home with hippies as parents, a product of the 60s. His dad doubled as a clown and performed with chickens as part of his act. Shia would come home from school and find his dad teaching a chicken hopping through a ring of fire or doing cartwheels. The chickens never did learn how to do much and Shia never could warm up to the fowls.
How did he get into acting? He admits to growing up on the wrong side of "making it." He called his family "poor." There was a kid in school who was on "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman" and say that he had a lot of nice stuff. Shia thought acting may be an easy way to make money. He eventually got a part in the Disney film, "Even Steven." And it was that easy! And now he's rehearsing for the next "Indiana Jones" film with Harrison Ford.
His current movie, "Transformers" opens July 3rd. We see a clip. Actually, it's Shecky footage of dancing aliens. We then see the actual clip.

ACT 7
Back from commercial, Dave says he next wants a mistake involving Key Lime Pie. And we check in on Biff. We see Biff putting up the umbrella of the completed patio set. Congratulations, Biff! You fooled all of us. I fully expected Biff to plop down in one of his completed chairs but he did not.

MORRISSEY: He's on tour. Tonight's song: "That's How People Grow Up."

And that was our show for Friday, June 29, 2007.



Explanations:
We never thought Biff would be able to complete the patio furniture by the end of the show. We were silently hoping for an exasperated, "Man, I can't do this!" The order we put in was for patio furniture that cannot be assembled in under an hour. So how did Biff do it? What is his secret? No screws. He didn't screw anything together. He cheated. Unbeknownst to us, he simply shoved the pieces together. That explains why he didn't plop down in the patio chair when the set was completed. A simple breeze could have toppled the whole thing.

And what was the story about the plate of ribs? Tonight's planned Will It Float item was to be a rack of ribs. I suggested earlier in the day to someone that we should perhaps have a plate of ribs standing by for Dave to sup on while playing Will It Float. Some of the responsibilities around the show have been reorganized recently and I'm learning that my suggestions that used to be put on the back burner are now . . . well, they're still on the back burner but now my suggestions are on the bigger burner in the back and not the small one. So a plate of ribs was ordered in addition to the rack which was to be floated. I had forgotten about it and forgot to pass on my suggestion to others. It's now show time. The ACT 4 comes around and it's decided at the last minute that we will not be doing Will It Float but will only be checking in on Biff on the roof. Dave never knows what the Will It Float item is until Alan Kalter announces it, so Dave really did have no idea what the plate of ribs behind him were for. When it was decided "No Will It Float," the Will It Float board game was removed from the desk and the Will It Float tank was moved backstage. The ribs, out of sight, were missed. . . . until we were already back from commercial.

I'm taking predictions now: Name the date Imus is back on WFAN radio here in New York. I would bet he's coming back, and my guess is it'll be the Tuesday after Labor Day.

Paris Hilton . . . . the iPhone . . . . both are a huge "Who Cares?" in my book.

I'm watching the early morning ABC news yesterday. There were severe thunderstorms in the metro area and of course this calls for lots of footage of downed trees and flooding. For some reason, the ABC giggling and clownish morning team found great delight in the shot of an SUV falling into an open manhole in the pouring rain. They showed the shot a few times during the program. And all I could think of was that the SUV wouldn't have fallen into the open manhole if the camera team alerted the slow-moving driver of the impending doom. But then they wouldn't have gotten the shot. Ha ha ha! You just drove into an open manhole. Your day is ruined! Ha ha ha! What a hoot! Nice going, ABC.

Next week's Previously Viewed Programs:
MONDAY: From May 17, 2007; Show #2756 - Kid Scientists; Luke Wilson, and Rufus Wainwright. And a special Top Ten from Homer Simpson.
TUESDAY: From June 6, 2007; Show #2765 - Nicole Richie; Artie Lange; and Chrisette Michele.
WEDNESDAY: From May 23, 2007; Show #2760 - Stupid Pet Tricks; Rosie Perez; and Dr. Dog.
THURSDAY: From May 8, 2007; Show #2749 - Jane Fonda; Tom Ruprecht; and Kelly Clarkson.
FRIDAY: From May 18, 2007; Show #2757 - Teri Hatcher; Jonah Hill; and Elvis Costello and the Imposters.

Check your Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Cazenovia, New York, it's Bob Daggett.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER