" . . . and now, billionaire shoemaker . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue Joke: "Hockey mom Sarah Palin was in Philadelphia to drop the 'first puck' to open the Flyers season. And then she cut a hole in the ice and began to fish."

During the monologue, Dave discovers a hairbrush sitting on the edge of the stage. Who? What? No one knows from where it came. My guess is it fell from the balcony when Dave made his entrance.

Great Moments In Presidential Speeches
Bush: "I like to fish."
You know, just by that I'm sure Bush would pick up some votes.
"Yeah, the guy likes to fish. That's good enough for me."

ACT 2:
Dave says he isn't one to blow his own horn ". . . . but if I could, I would . . . .". Did you "Play the Dave"? That was an easy one. If you've watched Dave long enough, you had to know that was coming.
Dave's Late Show Fun Facts book is in stores now, and not only has it been selected to "Oprah's Book Club," it's also been awarded the 2008 Nobel Prize for Literature. Pick up a book today, and check out the acknowledgements! I'm mentioned!

And how 'bout them Ball State Fighting Football Cardinals! They won again this weekend over the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, 24-7, putting them at 7-0 and 24th in the A.P. College Football Poll. There is a smell in the air and Dave thinks it smells like the Rose Bowl . . . . or the Orange Bowl . . . . or the . . . . Dave checks on the studio audience to make sure he still has one. Things got a bit quiet there. I guess America hasn't quite jumped aboard the Ball State Express yet.

Here's something new: "The Financial Crisis Isn't so Bad with Wacky Music." We see clips from last week's collapse of the stock market, accompanied by wacky music. Yes, the economy is diving and we've all lost thousands, but it doesn't seem so bad when you look at it with a wacky soundtrack.

Congratulations to Barack Obama. He's just picked up the endorsement of popular singing sensation, Shakira. We take a look at this announcement.
Announce: (accompanied from a recent Shakira video)

"Although she is not a United States citizen, Shakira has endorsed Barack Obama for President of the United States." (see more of the sexy video) "we don't have a joke here. We just wanted an excuse to show this footage. You're welcome, America, from all of us at the Late Show."

A Message from John McCain: From last week's debate - "Joe Lieberman and I / sometimes / hold / each other / naked."
I guess that'll get him some votes.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Surprises in the Sarah Palin "Troopergate" Investigation Report
-An investigation has found that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin abused her power in her push to get a state trooper fired who happened to also be her sister's ex-husband.
9. Terminated her hairstylist after receiving a bad beehive.
8. Palin claims she hasn't seen this kind of misuse of justice since Supreme Court case of . . . . ummm . .. . . lemme think of one."
6. No #6, writer looking for his hairbrush.

SARAH SILVEMAN
Jimmy Kimmel? An item again? Still an item? Not an item? What's the story? Sarah says, "I'd love to answer . . . or you can just ask him yourself!" And she turns and motions toward the guest entrance. The camera shows the guest entrance as we await Jimmy's entrance. But there's no Jimmy. Well? Sarah doesn't have much to say about it, but here's my guess. And my guess is just a guess without any inside knowledge or scoops. Not having much interest in relationships, this is what I think: Jimmy and Sarah split up because there was too much media attention on their relationship. They've since gotten back together and have decided to keep their business personal and out of the news. It's what I did when I dated Gina Lollobrigida back in the 60's before I met Denise.
And speaking of relationships, Sarah has heard that John McCain will be visiting the Late Show on Thursday. She is concerned that the Senator will hurt Dave again. She suggests this subtle twisting of the retaliatory knife: Invite him back, but have him on second. Let him be the second guest after the Supernanny. Dave sadly admits, "We can't get the Supernanny." Has Sarah been following the election? She says she's sad that the country is so divided. There's even controversy over the whole concept of the line "one nation under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Keep it in? Take it out? Sarah suggests, to make everyone happy, to keep it in but add "finger quotes." When you get to "and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, 'under God', with liberty . . . . ." You can make those "finger quotes" when you get to "under God." Could work.
Sarah tells a lovely and touching story of being with her grandmother in her final moments. Sarah and her sister Laura were bedside with Nana. Nana draws a breath and can barely speak, "Sooooooo beautiful. Soooooo beautiful." Sarah and Laura then began to argue; Sarah saying "Nana was talking about me," and Laura saying "No, Nana was talking about me." And then in her final breath on earth, Nana says, " . . . . . . . . Laura. . . . . ."
Sarah started off in this business we call "Show" at the young age of 20 as a writer on "Saturday Night Live." She remembers sitting around with the writers in the conference room. She admits to feeling a bit shy and would often side up to Al Franken. At the time, Al had what she calls a "JewFro." Al had a permed doo. Sarah decided to stick a pencil in the 'fro and leave it there. I've done that. Unfortunately, Sarah miscalculated where the head ended and where the 'fro began. She stabbed in right in the temple. Franken didn't see it coming and screamed out in pain. Sarah tried to explain but she couldn't. She was laughing too hard. And to the others at the table, all they saw was Sarah stabbing a sharpened pencil into the head of Al Franken. Intent and Actual were miles apart. She says soon later she was asked not to come back. You can see more of Sarah over Jimmy's house and on "The Sarah Silverman Program" on the Comedy Central, Thursdays at 10:30 PM.

ACT 4:
PAUL AND MIKEY TEUTUL
Dave loves the TLC "American Chopper" show. It's just building bikes and fighting. Dave likes that. In a recent episode, the shop received a delivery of a huge hydraulic press. It weighed tons. And it cost tons. And it took a lot of work to get it inside the shop. And what was the first thing they did once the press was inside? They started goofing around with it. They squished whatever they could find. It's what any kid would do.
But not all rosy at the Teutul shop. It seems Paul and Paul Jr. have had words. They've had many cross words in the past but this time it's reached another level. There seems to be a question as to who started it and what it is about. Dave says to Paul, "As an outsider looking in, it seems like you start most of the fights." Ahhh, Dave. Dave has the security of a nation watching. I wonder if he'd say the same up at Paul's place when the cameras are off. And it's probably why Dave has his show. It's so he can follow up that statement with, "It seems like Paul, Jr. is the brains of the outfit." Paul steams, while Mikey's smile gets bigger and bigger.
Dave asks Mikey was on his agenda. Mikey's contract with the show comes up in a few weeks. Dave advises Mikey to play his cards right. If Paul, Jr. decides not to come back, well then, that's a nice bargaining chip for Mikey. Mikey says if he doesn't return to the show, he's thinking of "hostening a talk show." If so, that wasn't a very good start. But I think Mikey would do a good job hostening a show.
How all this turns out is yet to be seen. It's a good angle, though, adding some soap opera to bike building.
"American Chopper" on the TLC, Thursdays at 9:00.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Josh Brolin, Amy Sedaris, and musical guest Blues Traveler.
Are you prepared for Y2K? Contact your local-government officials now!
We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
We take a camera outside to 53rd Street to get a look at some of the bikes Paul and Mikey brought along.
-The New York Giants Super Bowl bike looked really neat. It had a Giant helmet for the gas tank.
-And they had a Web Production, Special Edition - spider webs on the fender.
-Dodge Ram, with bolted wheels to look like the Dodge Ram truck.
-And Mikey's scooter.
-All total, we're talking $2 million worth of bikes out on 53rd Street.
And before saying goodnight, Dave hands Paul a stack of Dr. Phil books. Hopefully, this could be the first step to reconciliation between dad and son.

ACT 7:
RA RA RIOT: From their debut album, "The Rhumb Line," the Syracuse, New York band Ra Ra Riot performed "Can You Tell."

And that was our show for Monday, October 13, 2008.



Your vote counts in this year's Presidential Election, and according to ACORN, so does the vote of your deceased great great grandfather.

I don't know why I remembered this. Back on January 3, 1995, we celebrated out 300th show. On that show, Dave introduced this momentous occasion by "mistakenly" announcing it was our 3,000th show. A big red "3000" flashed on the screen with fanfare from Paul and the band. Dave was then advised that is was only show #300, not 3,000. I took a look at Show #300 to see if that bit was worth mentioning as something possibly for tonight. It was not worth mentioning. And I was surprised at how small a piece it was. Lasted no more than 15 seconds, yet I remembered it. And I remember thinking how unreachable 3,000 shows seemed.
For those scoring at home . . . . first of all, congratulations . . . . this was Late Show #3,000. We also did 4 Late Show Primetime Specials. And we did 1,810 Late Night programs, for a total of 4,814 shows. When will Dave host his 5,000th late night show?
Without pen or paper, just off the top of my head, I'm going to guess October 6, 2009.

What I want to know is what does the University of Illinois at Chicago have to say about their hiring of William Ayres?

I wish I still bet. Monday night's football game had "LOSS" written all over it for the New York Giants.
1. the Giants trounced the Cleveland Browns in the preseason.
2. the Giants were coming off a trouncing of the Seattle Seahawks last week.
3. the Cleveland Browns have been disappointing this season but were home Monday night and an underdog. Disappointing underdog home teams on a Monday night are a great bet.
4. Put all this together and it was an obvious L for the Giants.

Every Columbus Day reminds me of my favorite Late Show of all time. The traditional Columbus Day is celebrated October 12. On October 12, 2000, it was Late Show #1492. That's right. October 12, show #1492. How 'bout that?
That alone makes it my favorite Late Show of all time.

I still don't know who I want in the baseball playoffs. I did catch a glimpse of the games this weekend and felt myself leaning towards the Rays and the Phillies.
I missed the end of the Phillie/Dodger game last night. Phillie Matt Stairs won the game with a 2-run home run in the 8th. For those of you watching or listening to the game, let me guess . . . . the announcers called Matt Stairs a "professional hitter." Stairs got that label some years back from somebody and everyone has now picked it up.
"Matt Stairs, he's a professional hitter." I think that means he can hit but he's too fat and slow to play the field. And if that's the case, why haven't the Yankees picked him up?
I'll always like Matt Stairs. He helped me win some money on my fantasy baseball team a few yeas ago.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday today, from Pomona Junior High School in New York, it's Matt Mulligan.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com